“Suck For Luck” Power Rankings: Week 5

By: 10.11.11  •  16 Comments

"Gee, I dunno, Matt. They sure are bigger, meaner, and better at winning than us."

16) Atlanta Falcons (2-3) – After their loss to the Green Bay Packers Sunday night, the Falcons were accused of playing dirty and showing disrespect to the defending champions by some of the Green Bay players. This is a continuation of the complaints that both teams had about each other from last year’s playoff matchup. I guess the question is – is there a feud in the NFL that we care less about right now?

17) Tennessee Titans (3-2) – See below.

18) Houston Texans (3-2) – One of these two teams is going to win the AFC South this season because the Colts gave up and the Jaguars are still the Jaguars. Meanwhile, both teams have lost their star receivers and are playing for their lives just five weeks into the season. The Texans obviously have the advantage with Arian Foster playing like the guy who should have just received $30 million guaranteed, while Chris Johnson plays like the guy who we’d never heard of before last season.

19) Cincinnati Bengals (3-2) – It’s such a miracle that the Bengals are playing well enough to win three games that sports talk radio hosts are actually praising Marvin Lewis again. He may even have a job next year, which could possibly push him past Jack Del Rio in the “How the Hell is He Still Employed?” rankings.

20) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-2) – The Bucs have scored the same amount of points as the Colts this season, while their defense has only allowed 11 less points. I’m not saying that really means anything, but if I’m a team that really sucks, I’m going to start calling the Colts out soon.

21) New York Giants (3-2) – Has Victor Cruz passed Mario Manningham as the Giants’ No. 2 receiver? Yes. Should you drop Manningham in your fantasy leagues so people like me can pick him up? Yes. We conclude today’s edition of “Totally Irrational and Selfish Fantasy Football Advice.”

22) Pittsburgh Steelers (3-2) – The Steelers looked fantastic while beating the snot out of Tennessee Sunday, so maybe the Ravens don’t have the AFC North locked up. But they still have a Jonestown situation on the offensive line and the running backs ain’t exactly looking so hot either, so if they’re going to win, they’re gonna have to do it ugly.

23) Oakland Raiders (3-2) – Your 2011 “Team of Destiny,” ladies and gentlemen. First and foremost, I have a great deal of respect for Al Davis, as the NFL doesn’t exist as we know it without him. But I always smirk when a so-called “villain” passes away and major media outlets suddenly forget that they had completely ripped that person to shreds for so many years. Aside from that, though, Davis deserves all the praise he’s receiving, especially this awesome tattoo:


24) Washington Redskins (3-1) – Tim Hightower said that the Redskins are going to the Super Bowl this year. You can go ahead and take this moment to cross the Redskins off your list of teams that are going to the Super Bowl this season.

25) San Francisco 49ers (4-1) – If Alex Smith wins a Super Bowl – not that I’m saying he will, as it is still certainly very early in this season – does a vortex open up and completely suck Trent Dilfer into a world of irrelevance? Because I’ll gladly sign for that.

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