As the war against the “Pussification of America” rages on, it’s comforting to see that other countries are also dealing with their share of coddling parents and frivolous lawsuits. Take Australia, for instance, as the home of koalas and Paul Hogan is also now the home of one young girl with a bruised eye, after she was hit in the face with a tennis ball during her tennis lessons at her private school in Queensland.
And as if that sentence didn’t already tell you where this is going, the parents of the wounded girl are of course suing the hell out of everyone.
The claim alleges Julia had hit classmate Finley Enright-Burns in the eye with a tennis ball during a tennis lesson at the Mudgeeraba school last October. It alleges Julia was “smashing” balls back to Finley on the baseline when the incident happened.
Finley did not go to hospital but is alleged to have suffered an eye injury which needed medical treatment.
The claim, filed on behalf of Finley by her architect father Paul Burns, also names Somerset College and its Jay Deacon’s Tennis School as defendants.
My initial response to this story was: “Screw these people, I hope the judge throws the case out and shouts, ‘I’m sorry your kid sucks at tennis!;” But that’s never going to happen, because lawyers will find a way to drag this thing out and milk the school for every penny, while the girl with the eye that will heal mumbles to herself, “I f*cking hate tennis, why did you even make me play it?” which sucks for the kids at her school who actually like playing tennis, because now the school will have to pay more insurance and eliminate tennis as a result.
Soon enough, kids won’t even be able to play Trivial Pursuit in school, because they could get a paper cut from those dangerous cards. Eventually, your kid’s school is just going to look like this…