Worst: In Case You Needed Me To Tell You, This John Cena/Michael Cole Thing Is The Very Worst
I covered this earlier, but Michael Cole being bullied, stripped to his underwear, covered in barbecue sauce, kicked in the nuts and sprayed with a fire extinguisher felt less like a satisfying conclusion to a long babyface vs. heel storyline and more like that scene in The Last House On The Left. All exhaustive paragraphs about mixed messages aside, it was just a really terrible ending to a wrestling show, and counterproductive to last week’s amazing effort where all the characters had roles to play and reasons to be there. Where was Big Show? Why didn’t he run out and tie the “Cena cares more about jacking himself off than defending the helpless” story and knock Cena out? Where were guys like The Miz, who complain about not having a role on the show and have connections to Cole? There were no “nobody can interfere” stipulations. Where was ANYBODY doing ANYTHING other than emasculating an out-of-shape announcer?
It was just stupid. I watched the show with someone who hasn’t watched wrestling in a long time, and he just sorta sat through the segment smiling, a hand to his face, probably trying to think of a polite way to say YOU ARE A WEIRD CREEP BRANDON AND YOU’RE STUPID FOR STILL WATCHING THIS, I ABANDONED THIS TEN YEARS AGO AND GREW UP AND MADE A LIFE FOR MYSELF, YOU WATCH FAKE UNDERWEAR FIGHTING AND TAPE POKEMON PODCASTS, HOW DID YOU EVER LOSE YOUR VIRGINITY, GOODBYE FOREVER
And that seems harsh, sure, but he’s totally right. No matter how you felt about Cena beating up Cole, play the segment for someone who doesn’t watch wrestling and get their thoughts on it. If their thoughts are anything other than “why is that guy covered in barbecue sauce” or “does this end with them f**king”, ask someone else.
Best: Best And Worst Of WWE Raw Fan Signs
To balance out that terrible ending, I wanted to publicly post this photo of With Leather reader and my new best friend Lobster Mobster reading the column in the best possible way:
You are the best. New theory: WWE guys are always having misunderstandings because nobody can see the televisions clearly.
Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Week
Tensai smelled BBQ sauce and became re-energized.
I’m literally the stupidest person in the world. I watch this every week. I’m a f**king embarrassment to everyone I know.
John G aka Shatner
“My favorite moment was when I showed off my sweet denim jacket” – Triple H
“HA Cole all the 15 and 16 year old girls I follow on Twitter are saying that your like totally gonna get beaten up by Cena”- King
So…they are promoting someone’s performance review. This is the darkest timeline.
Daniel Bryan should really use this time to speak out about railroad safety.
To be fair that one guy got what he deserved for creating such a cruel arena for Katniss and Peeta.
Philip Rosenbaum, with the inspiration for this week’s column sub-title.
Ryback putting on a production of Rosencrantzberg and Guildenstansky are Dead.
How many Affliction shirts does King have?
AW HELL YEAH WOMAN SINGING IN LATIN THAT’S HOW YOU KNOW THIS IS LEGITIMATE.
See you guys next week.