Best: Paul Heyman Is Right About Everything
He’s absolutely right.
On the list of things I will obviously Best the shit out of, right behind 3MB hanging out in nothing but towels for no reason, is Paul Heyman spitting the truth. I think WWE should put more emphasis on making the good guys tell the truth and the bad guys lie and exaggerate (instead of the other way around), but I’ll take what I can get. When Heyman said the WWE Universe wants The Attitude Era, but gets nervous and upset whenever someone shows them what the Attitude Era was like, he’s right. When Heyman says people chant E-C-W at him, then BOO him and get mad whenever someone evokes the rebel spirit of the original ECW, he’s right. The audience doesn’t know what they want. They’re just pretending to want what they’re told to remember.
It sucks. The only answer is to scream at these people and tell them they’re wrong, but they won’t listen. It’s just an empty void of people who think it’s cool to see Sheamus, but then don’t really care what he does. People who buy CM Punk Best In The World shirts because they’re supposed to, then boo CM Punk … because they’re supposed to. It’s an audience battered numb by a mission statement that keeps changing and a narrative without a point. It’s pro wrestling brought back to its sideshow roots — pay 25 dollars to see the man with the snake arm! — and an audience with no ability to comprehend what it means to try harder and do better.
Thank you for telling the truth, Paul. Sorry that asshole didn’t get back with the balloons.
Worst: The New Post-PPV Raw
WWE made it clear a while back that TV ratings were more important to them than pay-per-view revenue, so most pay-per-views are just used as a way to sell TV plots to people who were watching anyway. That said, the new normal for post-pay-per-view Raws — the ones where stuff was supposed to happen, new stories were born and things changed themselves up — has become a regurgitation of the PPV’s major points so everyone can see them. In our heads, Ambrose debuting at Survivor Series means he’s going to have a promo or interview or maybe a match the next night so people can learn who he is. In reality, if Ambrose jumped Ryback at Survivor Series, he has to jump Ryback again on Raw, because otherwise the people in the crowd who didn’t order Survivor Series and don’t pay attention to video packages won’t give him the proper response. It’s weird.
I say that, and the one post-PPV Raw I missed was the one after WrestleMania where Lesnar showed up and everything got exciting and bat-shit. So it’s not a rule without exceptions, it’s just what we should get used to expecting. Maybe then, we’d find ourselves surprised by ANYTHING, and not just the surprises.
Worst: Sorry For Making You Tune In, Dean Ambrose Fans, I Hope You Enjoyed John Cena Destroying That Toilet Stall And All The Dancing Fat Guys
Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Night
M. Bison Robert Conspiracy
For you, the day Antonio Cesaro graced your village was the most important day of your life. But for him, it was Monday.
At Wish 1000, Cena will challenge for the Make-A-Wish Championship.
“for the whole meal, his dick was on the table, seemed weird at the time.”
They were in the vehicle making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me!
Zack Ryder just threw himself off of the loading dock backstage to save time.
Idea for a feud: Dean Ambrose sends Khali a box with a kayfabe dead Hornswoggle in it. That’s it.
I always enjoy a good match between Craig and Token.
never in my life would i ever have thought to type “worked bathroom stall”.
Golden Girls Gone Wild
The rest of the heel locker room should now band together and destroy the rest of Cenas Horcuxes.
The dress code for this party is Randy Orton Casual.
See you guys next week, with more allegations.