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Mike Krzyzewski Mastered The Jedi Force While Duke Fans Burned Everything In Sight

By 02.14.13
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"You do not want to rush this floor, Duke fans."

Obviously, when it comes to rivalries, a team’s record doesn’t really matter. If two teams hate each other enough, they’re both usually possessed with supernatural-type powers that allow even the weakest of opponents to play above and beyond their limitations. So when it came to last night’s matchup between the unranked UNC Tar Heels and the No. 2 Duke Blue Devils, we should have obviously expected that it would be a close one. After all, if UNC fans had the balls to steel one of the Duke mascot’s heads and set it on a pike*, then they obviously expected their team to show up.

And the Heels mostly showed up, losing 73-68 on the back of piss-poor free throw shooting in the second half, but that was all good enough to Duke fans, who wanted desperately to rush the court after their team rallied to win. That’s what a rivalry does – it makes the fans of the second best team in the country think that they should rush the court after barely beating an unranked team.

Fortunately, Duke Coach Mike Krzyzewski lifted his powerful hands and used the force of darkness to put all Duke fans back in their seats. So instead of rushing the court, they went outside and burned a bunch of stuff**. At least they were nicer this time. Hooray college basketball!

UPDATE: !!!Hilarious college newspaper headline alert!!!

*In their defense, Duke fans started it by demolishing a car painted with UNC colors. So much anger, these wealthy kids.

** Which they apparently do in a safe, controlled environment every year, with permits that make them exempt from the playful scorn of smartass Internet bloggers.

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The lesson here is, while it may have been a fantastic prank by UNC students, don’t f*ck with the Duke mascot’s head. EVER.

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