Because we know our readers, I’m posting some last second Valentine’s Day ideas for our bros so they don’t end up getting dumped by their stripper girlfriends and catfish today. For starters, take your babe to Hooters for that awesome deal above, because nothing says, “I love you, girl” like staring at a college girl’s fake breasts while pretending to care about your girlfriend’s smelly co-worker with the “hips that couldn’t fit through the St. Louis Arch”.
Additionally, you can read her one of these beautiful love poems that me and some much more notable comedians wrote. However, if you choose to combine these two ideas, not even a condom wrapped in a diaphragm can stop all of the babies that you’re going to make tonight. So tread lightly.
NBA: Miami Heat at Oklahoma City Thunder – 8 PM ET on TNT
Is this game a potential preview of this year’s NBA Finals rematch? I’m going to say yes so I don’t have to actually think about it and write something intelligent for once.
NBA: Clippers at Lakers – 10:30 PM ET on TNT
When these two teams that both play in the Staples Center face off, how do the celebrities that pretend to like both of them when it’s convenient decide which team they’re pulling for? I’m looking at you, Justin Bieber.
Bellator MMA – 10 PM ET on Spike
I’ve received several emails asking if we’re going to add any Bellator live discussions to our schedule. If this is something that you would like, please say so in the comments. 6.3 million positive responses will get me to do Bellator live discussions. Or 5. Either or.
NCAA Basketball: Wisconsin at Minnesota – 7 PM ET on ESPN
NCAA Basketball: LSU at South Carolina – 7 PM ET on ESPN 2
NCAA Basketball: Iowa at Penn State – 9 PM ET on ESPN U
NCAA Basketball: St. John’s at Louisville – 9 PM ET on ESPN
NCAA Basketball: UCLA at Cal – 9 PM on ESPN 2
Hey fellas, all alone on this Valentine’s Day? Let UCLA take care of that.