If you’re like me, you have a problem with women, because women be trippin. You try to flirt with other girls on Instagram, because a woman will sleep with you if you hit the little heart button under a picture they’ve uploaded to the Internet, and your woman gets MAD at you, as if it’s YOUR fault for getting a hard-on for some titties in a “toaster” filter.
Thankfully, Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver DeSean Jackson is here with THE INSTAGRAM RULES FOR MEN, easily the most handy set of rules handed down since Moses descended Mount Sinai. Here they are, in their glory:
These are the remaining four rules, to round us out at ten:
- Do not select a filter when you’re uploading a list to Instagram because you want people to actually be able to read it, and a big faded oval in the middle of your text looks terrible and isn’t helping anybody.
- Do not try to pick up women on Instagram, because you are an adult, and I know the Internet is an easy way to communicate sometimes, but Jesus.
- If you are dating somebody who gets mad at you for hearting pictures on Instagram, do not date that person. You are in a terrible relationship.
- Somebody buy DeSean Jackson lunch so he’ll have something better to Instagram.
[h/t to Larry Brown Sports]