The Best And Worst Of Impact Wrestling 5/2/13: If Impact Lasts For More Than Four Hours, Please Consult a Medical Professional

By: 05.03.13

Worst: Kurt Angle Wrestling Shapewear™

The faux-corseted Sexy Captain America singlet is still kicking around. I can only assume knockoff Spanx in varying Americana themes is Kurt Angle’s next business venture. I wonder if they have the little flap on the bottom for when you have to pee.

That joke was for the ladies.

Worst: Christy Hemme’s post-match interview

“Congratulations Kurt. So, was this a measure of revenge for you?” I can only assume they edited out her follow-up questions “Was this your first I Quit match?” and “How’s your neck?”

Worst: Hot Stings – no group RRSP, doesn’t even offer dental

The whole will he-won’t he-who cares AJ Styles storyline is still crawling at a snail’s pace, so Kurt tries to entice him over to the Sting side of things by not really offering him anything, just threatening him if he doesn’t. That is workplace intimidation, Kurt. You are terrible at recruiting. I know “ladies will touch your penis” is hard to beat (pun very much intended), but at least make an effort, big guy.

Worst: The Knockouts match

Dare to be…fast-forwarded through.

Best: On next week’s episode…


I swear to god, if Chavandez shows up I will…give it worst and….make fun of Chavo’s Hernandez backpiece-themed shirt or…something. I don’t know. I have no power here. They’re just really f-cking annoying and ruin everything they touch.

Worst: Geez, this main event

Because geez, this main event, huh? I guess TNA really wants me to turn this column into the internet’s leading resource for sea otter videos and pictures of Jojo Bravo.

Best: Wait a minute, can I do that??


Worst: I asked Brandon… 

He said no.


But I guess we’ll always have boners then, amirite?

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