Welcome to a special Memorial Day edition of This Week In Horrible-Looking People, With Leather's comprehensive guide to the worst, most ridiculous and amazing pro wrestling 8x10 promo photos, or "glamour shots." This week we're stepping out of our WWE comfort zone and into the IMPACT ZONE (see what I did there) of TNA Wrestling. You may know it as Impact Wrestling, you may know it as NWA TNA. You may know it as "that thing that comes on before Bellator and looks super embarrassing."
However you know it, TNA Wrestling has some of the most wonderful promo photos you've ever seen, clearly divided into styles:
1. fire background
2. fire border
3. metal background
4. white with Olan Mills-style inset photo background
There's a fifth style ("Lee South tries to get the women of TNA Wrestling as naked as possible, because he's pro wrestling's Terry Richardson"), but this gallery deals mostly with the first four. Inside you'll find AJ Styles in a ladies' coat, Raven in a sad hat, more than two Guitar Hero gimmicks and a guy whose name is RELLIK, which has a special meaning. I won't spoil it for you.
Please click through to enjoy TNA Wrestling. Possibly for the first time.
Every time Austin Aries looks back at this photo, it must feel like a dick in the face.
Chicken-or-the-egg question: Did they photoshop Angelina Love to be this orange, or is she just that color all the time?
"Hey guys, we've got Goldust on the roster. We need to ruin him, and we need to do it fast. Ideas?"
"A tribal garbage bag jacket!"
"Give him a beloved pet rat!"
"Make him team with a Muta cosplayer, and have matches ABOUT the rat"
"Have him carry an evil backscratcher!"
"I love you guys."
"A career bottoming out."
(and it's gonna bash your brains in)
Let's all accompany Christy Hemme to her high school locker, which contains TNA bandanas and also FIRE.
Here's something somebody thought was gonna work!
I legitimately do not remember who this is, but I think she had sex with Finch.
This picture made me laugh so hard I lost 30 minutes of work. If you want to know what the inside of Brandon's brain looks like when its laughing, this is it, fire and all.
They'll protect you from the Main Event Mafia AND keep your pet free of ticks and fleas!
Dixie Carter totally made this guy in create-a-wrestler and decided he should be real, didn't she? Nice Bishop make-up, nerd.
TNA loves having guys hold novelty canes. At least the Sinister Minister was attacking you with the Green Goblin's head, and not trying to bust you open with a backscratcher.
The perfect accessory for any cowboy: A black woman 13 years old than you, wearing a confederate flag hat.
that awkward moment when your founder's hair is the same color as your fire background and you have to put a thick black border around him
For anyone who hasn't seen this, CONGRATULATIONS, here's the worst worked match in the history of wrestling.
MINUS FIVE STARS.
For the record, TNA gave a guy "Guitar Hero" as his gimmick once.
For the record, TNA gave a guy "Guitar Hero" as his gimmick twice. And they added "have a cigarette in your mouth, but don't smoke it."
For the record, they gave three people this gimmick.
Although I gotta say, it's pretty funny that Christy Hemme never picked up on the fact that she was supposed to be the "infection" part.
Now and forever the Wrestling Society X Champion. Also, the most Wrestling Society X looking wrestler possible.
THAT'S KILLER SPELLED BACKWARDS
WERE YOU AWARE
WERE YOU AWARE OF WHAT HIS NAME IS WHEN YOU SPELL IT BACKWARDS
TRY SPELLING RELLIK BACKWARDS
TRY IT, IT'S WILD
Here's a picture of Lee South discovering how easy it is to get Shelly Martinez to take off her shirt.
Samoa Joe's career in two lines of dialogue:
"We're gonna make you carry a machete and draw a bunch of dicks on your face, is that cool?"
Scott Hall, totally okay being here and wrestling without any supervision. Not going to immediately die from drugs if you shoulderblock him.
this looks shopped
More like Melatonin, am I right
"My finger is stuck in my teeth. Maybe if I can see it from a better angle ..."
Alternate super hero name: Mustard Nipples
This would be cooler if you weren't currently employed by the people with the worst belts you're holding. Also, if you'd won those WCW belts in WCW.
AJ Styles, not afraid to make a Ric Flair robe look like it was made for ladies.
"Sorry, folks! See ya later!"