The UFC returns once again to Brazil (Home of terrifying things) for the Fight Night 36 card. This is the first trip back to Brazil since Belfort vs Henderson, which, other than the main event was fun because of how quickly the crowd would start up their “UH VAI MORRER” chants only to fall completely silent when the Brazilian guy would lose. If you want more info on the Fight Night 36 card, with stats and junk, head to the UFC’s official Fight Night 36 page, if you want far less information with dumb jokes, check out my Fight Night 36 event primer. Quite a lot of fights to predict (And several featuring complete unknowns!), so Burnsy and myself are gonna get right into it, plus we are joined by current and former fighters such as “Thug” Rose Namajunas (She was a little brief, but she also scares me, so I’m letting her do what she wants) and Danny “Boy” Downes.
Featherweight – Douglas “D’Silva” Silva de Andrande vs Zubair “Warrior” Tuhugov
Jessica: Unless they start just losing en masse, I will continue to predict in favor of Russians, eastern Europeans, people from the Balkans and Caucasus, and so on. Tuhugov wins by a third round KO.
Danny: Silva de Andrade’s 22-0 record (18 of which by knockout) looks very impressive. On further glance, though, you realize he’s had about as many squash matches as Goldberg. His opponents have a terrible combined record and many of them were actually making their professional debut when they fought. Despite that, he still has impressive knockout power and Tukhugov leaves a lot of holes in his defense. Douglas by first round TKO.
Burnsy: I’m picking blind for most of these because my knowledge of the Brazilians and Russians is still basic at best. But it’s no different than me always being wrong about the guys I’ve watched fight before. So I’m taking Tuhugov.
Welterweight: Ildemar “Marajo” Alcantara vs Albert “Einstein” Tumenov
Jessica: Again, a dude with a name ending in -ov going against a Brazilian, in Brazil? Gotta go with Al, and I’ll say he gets a third round TKO (Look at that differentiation!)
Danny: Alcantara made one of the more impressive debuts in UFC history. In his first with the organization, he kneebarred Wagner Prado on short notice and two classes above his normal weight. Tumenov is another one of those guys that hasn’t been tested in his career despite a 12-1 record. Having said that, he has enough of a a wrestling defense to avoid going to the mat with Alcantara. He’ll pick him apart and take the decision
Burnsy: Tumenov is one of my new favorite fighters based on his nickname alone, so I’m taking him now and again until he loses. Please don’t be one and done.
Featherweight – Felipe “Sertanjejo” Arantes vs Maximo “Maxi” Blanco
Jessica: Blanco has been kind of a disappointment from his JMMA days, since all he’s done of note in the UFC is do backflips and lose. However, with that being said, I think Arantes is just the kind of guy Maxi needs to punch-kick against to get back into his glory days (Not Glory, that’s something else entirely). Blanco wins by second round TKO.
Danny: Blanco’s 9-5-1 record is lackluster, and not just because it’s the area code for Riverside County. This fight is a toss up, but I give the edge to Arantes. Blanco’s fight IQ is about as good as [insert person you disagree with politically]. He makes silly mistakes and that will cause him to lose by unanimous decision.
Burnsy: I’m going to switch continents here and pick Arantes, because I’m really looking forward to saying, “He just padded Maxi” even though that really doesn’t make sense.
Bantamweight – Iuri “Marajo” Alcantara vs Wilson Reis
Jessica: Hey, look, I’m finally going to pick a Brazilian to win! Other than losing to Urijah Faber (Of which there is no shame in), Alcantara has been looking pretty good. I’m still mad at Reis for beating Ivan Menjivar, so I’m pulling for Alcantara, and I’ll say he wins by decision.
Danny: We finally get some Brazilian on Brazilian action in this fight (N.B. never type “Brazilian on Brazilian action” on a shared computer). Alcantara’s explosiveness will be too much for Reis in this fight. He’ll earn the TKO in the 2nd.
A second possibility requires closer examination.
Wilson Reis –> Reis is the German word for rice –> “Bring the rice out” can mean bringing out cocaine –> chronic cocaine usage can increase your risk for myocardial infarction –> Wilson Reis has a heart attack in the first round and the bout it ruled a no contest
Burnsy: I’ve always liked Alcantara from what I’ve seen of him. That’s a gut pick.
Lightweight – Francisco “Massaranduba” Trinaldo vs Jesse “The Body Snatcher” Ronson
Jessica: Trinaldo is a pretty good grappler, so I’m thinking he gets a submission in the second.
Danny: Trinoldo is a strong lightweight, but he fades as the fight progresses. If Ronson can survive the first round, he could pull out the decision, but it’s not likely. Trinaldo in the first via arm triangle
Burnsy: I have a feeling this will be a pretty entertaining fight, but for all I know they could just do the Kid N Play dance for three rounds. That said, Ronson will do it better.
Lightweight: Rodrigo Damm vs Ivan Jorge
Jessica: Both guys are good at the jiu-jitsu, but since he isn’t Rodrigo Damm “It Feels Good to be a Gangster”, I have to take Jorge by decision.
Danny: odrigo Damm is one of those fighters that’s good at a couple things, but not great at anything. While I’d rather not pick someone who has the audacity to make their nickname “Batman,” Jorge cruises to unanimous decision. Seriously, though, Batman? I mean, the Dark Knight is a badass, but who in his gym/childhood told him, “You know what man? Your combination or martial arts, detective skills and affinity for gadgets seems soooooo familiar. It’s like you’re Batman!”
Burnsy: I don’t ever pick against guys named Ivan.
Lightweight: Cristiano Marcello vs Joe Proctor
Jessica: On the one hand, Marcello tapped out Krazy Horse (Not the hardest thing to do) in jeans. On the other hand, Joe Proctor’s not a terrible lunatic like Krazy Horse (This is somehow both a positive and a negative). With both hands full, I’m taking Cristiano Marcello (Not Marcello Garcia, I have made that mistake on a number of occasions) to win by second round submission.
Danny: A battle of former Ultimate Fighter teammates, both fighters have excellent ground skills. Neither one has tremendous takedown ability, though, so this will be one of those ugly kickboxing matches. Bearing that in mind, the edge has to go to Joe Proctor. He may not have the knockout power to end the fight, but he’ll get the better part of the standup exchanges to take the unanimous decision.
Burnsy: Ever since Police Academy, I can’t take a guy named Proctor seriously.
Featherweight – Charles “Do Bronx” Oliveira vs Andy “The Little Axe” Ogle
Jessica: I’ve been a fan of “Do Bronx” for a while (Sorry if that makes you cry, Andy), and I am hoping he gets a rad first round submission.
Danny: Oliveira has a two fight losing streak, but they have come against Cub Swanson and Frankie Edgar. he struggles against fighters that can match his athleticism, but Andy Ogle is not one of them. Ogle does his best in battles that are a war of attrition. He gets stronger as the fight progresses and takes advantage of fatiguing opponents. I don’t think he has enough to weather the initial onslaught, however. Oliveira walks away with a first round submission win.
I was curious as to why his nickname is “Do Bronx” and a very lazy Google search lead me here. God help us if Brooklyn hipsters start doing the same.
Burnsy: Do work, Do Bronx.
Welterweight – Viscardi Andrade vs Nico Musoke
Jessica: Andrade needs to team up with Bacari Rambo for some rum-related hijinks. Musoke is a pretty good grappler, especially for a Swede-Man, and I’m picking him to grab a second round submission. Also, isn’t Musoke some kind of Greek casserole?
Danny: Both guys are well rounded and had impressive first round finishes in their UFC debuts. Andrade is the better striker while Musoke is the superior grappler. Andrade does have the ability to finish this with his hands, but I think his aggressive punching leaves him vulnerable to the takedown. Musoke by unanimous decision.
Burnsy: Nico, because that was Steven Seagal’s name in Above the Law.
Welterweight – Erick “Indio” Silva vs Takanori Sato
Jessica: Other than Charlie Brenneman, Silva’s had some difficulty with grapplers (Though the Dong loss wasn’t a result of getting Donged), and Sato’s not bad at the man-grabs. With that being said, I’m expecting Silva to return to form with a big knockout victory in the second round.
Rose: Erick Silva
Danny: If Silva can’t finish you in the first round, he fades quickly. He appears to struggle against grinding grapplers and Sato could fit the bill. A King of Pancrase in Japan, he does have above average takedowns and submission prowess. His striking could be considered basic at best, though. Sato may want to take his fight purse to go back to Japan and study endocrinology so he can become the King of Pancreas to bring honor back to his family. Silva dominates and takes the first round knockout.
Burnsy: I’ll take Silva, if only because his fights are usually pretty rad and Sato is making his UFC debut.
Middleweight – Ronaldo “Jacare” Souza vs Francis “Limitless” Carmont
Jessica: I hate Carmont with a fiery passion. He has terrible fights and wins terrible decisions. He’s the bad grappling version of Leonard Garcia, and I hope Souza gator chomps all over him. Jacare by first round submisison.
Rose: Jacare Souza
Danny: Carmont has utilized a smothering top game and excellent takedown timing en route to his current 11 fight win streak. He even controlled Costas Philippou in his last fight who had the best takedown defense in the division when they met. Even with those credentials, he’s still outmatched against Jacare. A Brazilian Jiu Jitsu world champion, he’s finally starting to improve his striking evidenced by his KO against Yushin Okami. Souza hurts Carmont with a right hand in the second and then finishes things with a rear naked choke.
Burnsy: I’m picking Carmont because of the trash he’s been talking about Machida not deserving a title fight if he beats Mousasi, because that means if Machida wins, they can fight for a title shot after Vitor Belfort runs over Chris Weidman like a bus. I love getting way ahead of myself.
Middleweight – Lyoto “The Dragon” Machida vs Gegard Mousasi
Jessica: This fight kind of reminds me of the last Fight Night main event in Brazil (Belfort vs Hendo), in that you have a Brazilian known for ingesting questionable substances taking on a participant in PRIDE’s 2006 welterweight Grand Prix tournament and former StrikeForce light heavyweight champion. That spells bad news for Gegard. I’m expecting Machida to karate around for a while and then get a fourth round KO. Also, isn’t Mousasi another kind of Greek casserole?
Rose: Gegard Mousasi
Danny: I’m really excited for this fight. Two of some of the most technical MMA strikers in the world will go head to head. It may not have the sex appeal of other matches, but I think it will be great. Even if it sucks, I’ll just pretend that you ignorant masses just don’t appreciate cerebral, higher level art (that’s right, I’ll be like your friend that tells you how incredible Donnie Darko was). The smallest mistakes will be exploited and I think Mousasi leaves slightly more openings than Machida. “The Dragon” continues his middleweight runs and wins by decision.
Burnsy: Machida. Regardless of who wins between Weidman and Belfort at UFC 173 (again, I’ll be picking Belfort because he just seems mutant-level pissed off at the world), I want Machida to get the next shot so we can have more Steven Seagal in our lives.