Worst: The Women’s Division Confuses Me
Okay, so the Bellas were wrestling Natalya and Summer Rae, but then Nattie and Summer weren’t getting along and, uhh, what the hell is going on with the Divas division?
Naomi, Nikki Bella and Natalya have all pinned AJ, but Tamina also has a beef with her, but now she doesn’t and the Total Divas are fighting the non-Total Divas, but the Total Divas are also fighting amongst each other and, and…is all this confusion intentional? Is this building to Vickie Guerrero coming out and being all “I have no idea what’s going on soooo 15-woman Santa’s little helper pole match at Wrestlemania!”? Can Naomi just be awarded the title based on her amazing sequined eye patch leading to a blood feud blow-off with Aksocketbuster at Wrestlemania instead? No? Can Sara Del Rey just spike piledriver the whole division? No again? Come on, work with me here WWE.
Best: Heath Slater Gets A Wrestlemania Moment
I loved this little backstage segment. It’s so rare these days for things to happen according to regular, time tested wrestling logic — it’s all face of the company this, and John Cena’s legacy that. This on the other hand, was a bunch of crummy guys beating somebody up for the authority in exchange for title shots. Simple. Straightforward. This should be business as usual and not the exception.
Also Heath Slater was adorably pleased to be in the Andre The Giant Battle Royale. It’s a bit embarrassing when multiple time world champions are cutting fiery promos about how winning the chocolate Andre will cement their legacies, but you can totally believe the Jinder Mahals and Drew McIntyres of the world would be legitimately jazzed to be a part of it, so you can be happy for them. I mean, how much copper is in that Andre? I’m sure JTG could find a use for that money. And if it really is chocolate, well, I’m sure Brodus Clay could find a use for that chocolate.
Best: Inappropriate Hurricanrana Theater
Yeah, I’m not so hot on the Cena/Wyatt thing, but what the hell, I try not to let crappy storylines get in the way of good matches, so I’m still giving this a Best. Not that this match was good in a, shall we say, traditional sense. I think Cena knew there was no way he was replicating the kind of hard hitting, fast paced match Harper has with Daniel Bryan, but still wanted to do something memorable so he settled on a hurricanrana-fest between two guys with a combined weight of 550 pounds. I’ll give it to Cena, he did, at the very least, achieve memorable.
Of course the match ended the only way it could have — with Cena shrugging everything off, effortlessly AAing Harper like he was made of cotton candy, then smirking his way up the ramp as Bray and company bumble and fume in the ring. It’s tough to beat a guy and destroy his legacy when that guy’s legacy is founded on beating guys who want to destroy his legacy. Best of luck Bray.