On His 67th Birthday, Here Is A Ranking Of Mike Krzyzewski’s Angriest Faces

1 Coach K is evil

Mike Krzyzewski at his happiest.

Sixty-seven years ago, a baby boy was born to a Polish-American couple in Chicago, and at the time there was no way they could have imagined what kind of man he would eventually become. They named their son Michael Krzyzewski, which is Polish for “Viciously Angry Bastard of Satan,” (*needs citation) and by the age of two, this boy had developed a reputation for keeping the other neighborhood toddlers in line. In fact, it is said by historical scholars that before he could even enroll in grade school, Mike had written two books on leadership, while showing off his ability to assemble an automobile from nothing but unlabeled scrap parts.

Today, Krzyzewski is much better known as arguably the greatest men’s basketball coach in NCAA Division I history, and anyone willing to argue that point with the man himself has never been heard from again. Krzyzewski (pronounced Shizzy-zow-wow-skeet) is known for his icy demeanor and soul-shattering gazes that he displays while coaching, as well as his “Win first, breathe later” strategy that has allowed him to rack up the most wins in Div. 1 history.

Some people say that Coach K, as he is affectionately known by people who don’t realize he was not programmed to understand affection, is cold, calculating and a man whose sole purpose is winning, but it is those characteristics that have led him to be a godlike figure to Duke fans over the last 34 years, and an icon to so many other sports fans, myself included. It is with that in mind that I have decided to pay tribute to Coach K’s stern grimace, his Gallant Gaze of Godliness if you will, with this ranking of his angriest faces.

Before we start, it is important to point out that Krzyzewski is not always angry and pure evil, as so many people believe. For starters, here he is at his happiest while watching young, impressionable children learn and master his coaching philosophy:

2 Coach K is happy

And here he is being happy after his team has proven that he is brilliant by crushing the hopes and dreams of others:

3 Coach K is happy

Finally, notice his smile as even the most powerful man in the free world is forced to pay tribute to his victorious ways:

4 Coach K is happy

Now, pay respect to the face of true power!

20) As this picture was taken, Coach Bob Knight told a young Mike Krzyzewski to “cut it with that smiling sh*t, or I’ll shove a grenade in your dick hole.” Coach K has smiled four times since that day, only after receiving written permission from Knight.

5 Coach K is evil

19) Early in his coaching career, Mike’s stern look was never taken very seriously. It’s understandable because it is something that even the greatest of winners must learn.

6 Coach K is evil

Around The Web

Featured

A Fact-Soaked Odyssey Through Kentucky’s Bourbon Country

This Woman Is Fighting The Stigma Of Sex Work In America In Hopes Of Getting Her Child Back

‘We Went To The Moon In 1969’: How The ‘Even Stevens’ Musical Episode Changed The Disney Channel Forever

Is There More To The Adam Walsh Story?

‘Rad’ Star Bill Allen Looks Back On Helltrack And That Iconic BMX Prom Scene, 30 Years Later

‘Veep’ Creator Armando Iannucci And Timothy Simons Explain Why It’s So Much Fun To Hate Jonah Ryan

By: and 04.25.16

A Firsthand Account Of The Earthquakes In Ecuador And The Aftermath

By: 04.21.16

The Cruelest Month: An Examination Of April’s Long History Of Terror And Violence

Meet The Marine Who Lost His Leg In Afghanistan And Is Running The Boston Marathon

A Look Inside The Final Days Of Extreme Championship Wrestling, 15 Years Later

‘Parking Lot Puddles’ — One Man’s Fight With Addiction

A Conversation With The ‘Bionic Model,’ A Woman Who’s Challenging Old Ideas About Beauty And Limitations