The Olympic Village has long been known as a place where athletes from all over the world can meet and get past the barriers of language and international politics by engaging in the kind of filthy, hot, ripped-body sexual intercourse only world-class can ever enjoy.  But, because the Olympics are being held in shitty-ass China, the Beijing Olympic Village of course falls way short of expectations.

In Beijing, not only are the condom gift-bags lacking, but the soulless hangar-like disco room — complete with grey walls, grey carpet, sub-zero air conditioning and live Chinese folk music — may well nip any sizzling romance in the bud. "I suggest they won't find what they need in here, like crazy fun and the happy hour," admitted a member of a shaggy haired Chinese rock band, also performing at the venue, as he sipped a fizzy drink in the near-empty bar where booze is banned and the 90s pop disco ends at midnight…

"I haven't seen any bags of frangers," said world champion rower Amber Halliday [above right, pictured with rowing partner Marguerite Houston (left) and former Olympic rower Rebecca Joyce] , using a slang word for condoms from her native Australia. "But the Australian Olympic Committee has a big bowl out on the table and you can help yourself."

Rowers, whose events are in the first week, expect to hit the town big time afterwards, but not inside the Village… "Until the competition is finished you tend to give people space," said Halliday, 28, of the lack of mingling. "But there'll be plenty of partying on the outside in the second week. Where there's an Aussie there's a way to get drunk."

Wow, what dedication to enjoying the Olympic experience.  That just goes to show you that an iron-fisted government that suppresses basic human freedoms still can't defeat the soul.  This reminds me of that one uplifting movie that showcased the triumph of the human spirit– I think it was called Where The Boys Aren't 14.

[Sports by Brooks; photo from Getty Images] 

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