11.16.06 11 years ago 10 Comments

At some point, Derek Jeter's womanizing stops being impressive and starts being fucking irritating. That point is now:

The Yankee shortstop went out in L.A. Tuesday night with his new squeeze, Jessica Biel. According to our spy, the couple were huddled in a corner of hot club Hyde, "laughing and giggling together." At one point, Jessica, voted Esquire's "sexiest woman alive" in 2005, went to the restroom and three girls quickly scurried over to chat with Jeter. But as soon as Biel returned, he put all his attention on her. The two left together.

This is where being a pioneer is difficult. I'm leading a new trend of heartthrob bloggers, where I have to date unfamous models and actresses on my way to the top of the A-list. I'm clearing the way for future heartthrob bloggers to date the hottest starlets. This is my mission. Otherwise, the sexiest women on the planet will keep dating actors and famous athletes and rapping white trash douchebags… and we just can't let that happen.

And Derek: thin ice, pal. Enjoy Jessica, but stay the hell away from Scarlett.

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