Dirk Nowitzki Now From Bedford, OH

06.14.11 6 years ago

Dear Cleveland, all of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers supporters wherever you may be tonight;

As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in the very region that he deserted last year, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier. He plays for the Miami Heat, and because the Heat lost the NBA Finals, Governor John Kasich has drafted a proclamation making the Dallas Mavericks, assumedly even the ones like Caron Butler, honorary Ohioans.

Ack, sorry, I can’t keep up the Comic Sans. Who types like that, honestly? Anyway, the Governor’s proclamation is more or less childish schadenfruede (can schadenfruede be childish? Do you have to enjoy the ill-will of a child?) and should be taken with a grain of salt. Although if I was Jason Kidd (or whoever), I’d move to Dayton (or wherever) and use this as an explanation for why I shouldn’t have to update my driver’s license. I enjoy a good Nelson Muntz-style NYAH HA as much as the next guy, and as someone who lived in Cleveland for four years and considered but ultimately decided against buying both LeBron James AND Shaq jerseys I should find this hilarious. And sure, I do, but not as much as if metropolitan Akron had just stepped back and smirked while LeBron baked in his own slightly-less-great-than-God agony.

Ohio should keep doing this and make Art Modell everyone who played ’97 Florida Marlins honorary Michiganians.

[Proclamation pic courtesy of OTB]

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