SO LONG DICKFACE — The Mariners fired manager John McLaren yesterday, getting rid of another cog of incompetence. Now if they just trade or get rid of 20 players on the roster and replace them with better players, the M's will be back on top!
MLB — The Brewers' Dave Bush took a no-hitter and an 8-0 lead into the 8th inning against the Blue Jays last night. He lost the no-hitter when Lyle Overbay tripled, then watched as the bullpen nearly gave away the lead in the 9th. Prince Fielder's inside-the-park homer was the difference in Milwaukee's 8-7 win. Wait, what? … The Braves rallied in the 9th to tie the Rangers, only to watch as Michael Young delivered the game-winning RBI in the bottom of the 9th as Texas improved to .500 with a 5-4 victory. Chipper Jones went 0-for-4 as his average dipped to a shameful .394. That Ted Williams guy must have been pretty good, huh? … Joba Chamberlain looked liked a bona fide starter, and Alex Rodriguez delivered a non-clutch go-ahead RBI as the Yankees won their 7th in a row, 2-1 over the Padres.
Euro 2008 — As usual, the Iberians crumple under pressure: Germany beat Portugal 3-2 in the quarters and will face the winner of the Turkey-Croatia match. Cristiano Ronaldo, meanwhile, is now free to explore his three favorite offseason pursuits: hookers, hookers, and hookers.