05.18.07 10 years ago 19 Comments

Okay.  Where to begin here?  We all know Floyd Landis won the Tour de France but tested positive for doping, yes?  Good.  Well, Landis has been going through an arbitration / hearing held by the USADA (US Anti-Doping Agency) following the positive test of his Tour de France "B" sample, and former 3-time Tour champion Greg LeMond arrived to testify against Landis.  The two had previously been close enough to share secrets: Landis admitted to LeMond that he doped, and LeMond told Landis that he had been sexually abused by his uncle as a child.  Ugh.  Why is it always an uncle?

From this web came yesterday's bombshell: Landis's manager called up LeMond the night before he testified, claiming to be LeMond's uncle, and threatened him, telling him that if he testified against Landis his secret would come out in the open.  The manager's words: "Greg, this is your uncle and I'm going to be there tomorrow. I'm going to be there and we can talk about how we used to hide your weenie."

First: gross.  Second — and I cannot stress this enough — "Hide the weenie" is not a game to be played with relatives. 

Anyway, Steroid Nation has been all over the biggest drama in sports since the first season of The O.C., when Ryan went out for the soccer team as a striker, the same exact position as Luke!  It was all fun and games until Kirsten's model home got burned down.  But the most in-depth read in the bloggerhood, if you have the time, is Nathan Fowler's long-form narrative at the FanHaus.  It details the whole backstabbing, bitchy history of American cycling in the doping era, which makes it a much longer-running drama than The O.C.  All it's missing, really, is Rachel Bilson.  But that's my solution for everything. "You know what we need to stop global warming?  More Bilson, that's what." 

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