Burnsy is only one day into his 73 Sports Movies In 73 Days project, but I’m hoping Tapped gets released in time to make the cut. What’s Tapped, you may be asking? Why, it’s every MMA movie ever made!
1. Cameos from MMA stars who have lots of downtime between fights! (Anderson Silva!)
2. Old white guys who were movie stars in the 80s playing grizzled veterans who can’t THROW a punch anymore, but they can sure as hell gruffy instruct YOU to throw punches! (Kyle Reese from Terminator AND Kreese from The Karate Kid! REESE AND KREESE!)
3. Hot, young, sweaty, racially-indeterminate women in their underwear who are only in the movie to have sex with the main character, and also probably be inspiring!
4. Horrible lighting. Every fight takes place in candlelight. It’s like Barry Lyndon with arm bars!
5. A low-cost hip-hop soundtrack!
6. The most hilariously “first draft” plot you could imagine:
A disgruntled teenager, sent to do community service at a rundown Karate school, enters an MMA tournament to face the man who killed his parents.
And more! Exclamation points! Here’s the trailer!
Chael Sonnen gives this movie one star.
[h/t to Jessica Hudnall]