The other day we discussed the wonder of marriage and how Los Angeles Lakers forward and Twizzlers fanatic Lamar Odom and his famous-because-her-sister-made-an-amateur-porn-with-Brandy’s-talentless-brother wife Khloe Kardashian were still crazier than ever for each other as they celebrated their first anniversary. Well get ready to feel your heart burst, because the truly sincere husband and wife have renewed their vows. I know, I think I felt some joy pee squirt out, too.
The whole ceremony was part of an elaborate and cunning ruse by Odom, who had Khloe’s friends pick her up – not literally, LOL – and blindfold her, not telling her where they were taking her and what for on her anniversary. Even the camera man from her scripted reality TV show kept the secret, I’m sure. And if all of that doesn’t scream romance enough, Khloe’s sisters, Kim and Khlewbacca, were in attendance, as was close friend of the family… Snooki. It really was like heaven on Earth.
Tell us that it was beautiful and magical so we can pretend like anyone but lonely women give a bean burrito fart about this stuff, USA Today:
She was blindfolded by her friend Malika Haqq and taken to a secret location in Beverly Hills. Khloe continues:
“When we arrived, the car door opened and Lamar took my hand and led me to the spot where we were married one year ago. He removed the blindfold and I was just speechless — I was beyond in shock. I knew he had a few fun surprises up his sleeve but I never could have anticipated this. I have never been more obsessed with my husband.”
Maybe for their second wedding anniversary they can put a paper bag over her head. That’s it, no surprise vow renewals or anything, just block us all from seeing her face anymore. Maybe throw a ball gag in there, too, so we don’t have to hear her either. Look, I’m not trying to be a dick, just a hero.
Last week one of my buddies asked me why I like to post about Lamar and Khloe so much and I said that I understand the double standard in saying that nobody cares about them and then writing about them, but someone has to stand up to the nonsense. Being a celebrity used to mean something in this country, damnit. We used to be able to hate people who starred in terrible movies or released awful music. Now we just grant anyone with a shameless goat-faced sister celebrity status. It’s a sad age we live in.