In a bizarre news story that is spreading across the Intertubes like wildfire, 17-year old Josh Ehrenberg from Shenango, Pennsylvania recently filed a police report after a man assaulted him while he was mowing the lawn. Big deal, right? Well, the attacker was allegedly driving by and stopped his car, just to get out, run up to Josh, and clothesline him off of the riding mower. Still not enough? How about if the mystery assailant committed all of the above and then celebrated by Tebowing? That’s Ehrenberg’s story, according to one of the stranger Smoking Gun reports of the year.
The car’s driver–who investigators describe as “a taller male, bald, wearing glasses”–exited his vehicle and approached the boy. The suspect then “knocked the juvenile off the lawn mower and assaulted him in the front yard of the residence,” according to police.
As the suspect walked back to his car (“possibly a 1980’s Chrysler New Yorker maroon in color”), he was observed “stopping and kneeling down as if in prayer (a ‘Tebow’),” noted cops. The man then fled the New Castle crime scene.
Additionally, WPXI Channel 11 News in Pittsburgh picked this story up, because Tim Tebow means ratings, even in little old Lawrence County. WPXI’s Gordon Loesch – who I assume introduces himself to people by saying, “Haha, no, I’m not the guy from Burn Notice, but I… I get that a lot” – has the shocking story that could possibly kill your entire family.
First and foremost, my heart and prayers go out to the Ehrenberg family in Josh’s time of need. Being pushed off of a riding mower is no laughing matter and we need to forget gay marriage, basic human rights, and the economy and find candidates that are brave enough to focus on the real issues. That said, I’m calling bullsh*t on this whole thing.
There’s not a snowball’s chance in the Sahara that a guy would just randomly stop his car – in front of another car, as the police report claims – get out, shove a kid off a riding mower, and then Tebow if he weren’t doing it for the benefit of a video camera. I don’t typically like to call a kid a liar, but me thinks this story is being embellished just a tad.
Why would he lie? Attention, clearly. Can we ever prove him wrong? Probably not. It’s the perfect crime, folks. Josh Ehrenberg’s injured arm is this century’s Lindbergh baby.