Here’s something sure to make pro basketball more accessible to the Internet’s below-average whites; Miami Heat fans have been buying up voodoo dolls by the hundreds in an attempt to curse the Dallas Mavericks. Voodoo. We finally have a medical explanation for Dirk’s fever.
From TMZ, because I guess nothing is going on with Khloe Kardashian’s “vajayjay” today:
[Voodoo dolls] are selling out like hot cakes … but the owner of El Viejo Lazaro Botanica — which hocks all sorts of bizarre religious supplies, including voodoo stuff — tells TMZ, he has no idea which Mavs are being targeted by the hexes.
They go on to say that if Heat fans aren’t buying voodoo dolls, they’re buying “Paraiso”, which is an herbal remedy for your bath water that makes true whatever you can visualize, like some sweaty, naked Green Lantern ring. If that doesn’t work, they’re just taking their 1988 Rolando Blackman Starting Lineups out of the packages and hacking them to pieces with kitchen knives.
Hopefully the Heat themselves don’t subscribe to voodoo logic, because if the film Major League has taught us nothing else (and it hasn’t) it’s that occult idols can only get you so far, and eventually you have to say f**k it and do it yourself.