Michael Irvin has a very, um, particular way of speaking. A few weeks ago, he made everyone feel kind of weird when he made a god awful joke about “pulling my stick out” around a female co-worker. He swears he meant selfie stick, but come on, none of us are that dumb.
That way of speaking bit him in the rear again on Tuesday, when he appeared on Dallas-based radio station 105.3 The Fan to talk about the Cowboys. Irvin is like a lot of people in that he loves watching the team’s star rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott, but he’s unlike a lot of people in that he makes everyone ridiculously uncomfortable when talking about the Rookie of the Year candidate.
“Zeke said ‘man, the fourth quarter, we get a lead, it’s just about pounding people into submission,'” Irvin said. “I’m like, man, dude, I’m telling you, man, when I listen to this boy talk about running the football like that, it just makes me want to go in the bathroom and spend some time by myself.”
So a few things. One, eew. Two, this is really weird, even if this is hyperbolic by Irvin. Don’t get us wrong, ‘Zeke rules and the crop top shows off his dynamite six pack, but Irvin was way to excited about pleasuring himself because of the way someone talked about running the football.