12.07.09 8 years ago 4 Comments

Tiger Woods, indeed, be humpin’. I think we’re up to seven alleged mistresses for the world’s most recognizable athlete. My ideal hope is that we eventually find 18 mistresses, so that we can refer to each ennead as the “front nine” and the “back nine.” But if we had only 17, I think we could have Elin as No.1, even though that clearly wasn’t the case in reality.

Rachel Uchitel, Jaimee Grubbs, and Kalika Moquin–all women in the “entertainment” industry will now have to share headlines with not-for-sex-wink-wink escort Jamie Jungers, Orlando-area waitress Mindy Lawton, alleged MILF Cori Rist and porn actress Holly Sampson. Awesome. But now this homeless guy says that he had a piece of the title as well. Oh, jeez. How are we going to divvy up all this shame evenly? Even the BCS is at a loss.

ASYLUM POLL: Which of Tiger’s mistresses was most “worth it?”

vid via The Offside Rules.

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