You know the old saying, broseph: “If at first you don’t succeed, bro, try again or something”. I like to imagine that phrase is tattooed around Ryan Lochte’s arm in a cursive font, so when he rips his shirt off at a bar, he points to it and says, “Hey babe, check this out… Socrates said that. Wanna make out?” And then he licks the side of her face while she vomits into the bar well, because that’s how our hero rolls.
Anyway, try try again as he might, Lochte is back on Funny or Die, this time free from the spotlight hog known as Patrick Stewart, and he’s pretending that he has his own fragrance called, “Pool Water”. Spoiler alert: it’s a 1:28 pee joke.
Get it? Because he mentioned on his show that he sometimes pees in the pool, which makes sense because when you’re training for hours on end and you gotta go, you gotta go.
That’s not to say I’m cool with little kids doing it, because I’m not. Look, parents – I get that you’re exhausted and deal with so much crap, but that doesn’t mean you can turn a blind eye while little Cullen or Emerson or Madysson goes No. 1 in the public pool at the Vista Springs apartment complex. It’s bad enough that I, I mean, someone keeps taking dumps on the treadmill in the community gym.