07.05.07 10 years ago 26 Comments

Sharp young drunkard Cory sent in this New York Times article that profiles the growing dangers in Florida, where leaping sturgeon are increasingly injuring boaters in America's Wang.

Florida’s season of “sturgeon strikes” — law enforcement’s term for collisions between the state’s largest freshwater fish and hapless boaters — [is] already well under way. It may seem bizarre, but it is no joke. Leaping sturgeon have injured three people on the Suwannee this year, including a woman on a Jet Ski and a girl whose leg was shattered when one of the giant fish jumped aboard her boat. Eight others were hit last year, and with traffic growing on the storied river, sturgeon are joining alligators and hurricanes on the list of things to dread in Florida.

Other things to dread in Florida: transsexual strippers, the University of Miami football team, elections, Jacksonville, and Gators quarterback Tim Tebow.  But if 200-pound sturgeon flying through the air are injuring people, then we're going to need Tebow.  Because armored jumping fish means we're only a step or two away on the evolutionary ladder from flying sharks.  Flying sharks, man.  Tebow might be the only human that can save us.

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