04.30.09 8 years ago 5 Comments

Two state high school athletic associations have postponed events after residents in Texas and Alabama were reported stricken with the H1N1 influenza strain that everyone insists on calling swine flu, even though the virus isn’t communicable through ingestion of pork products. Having sex with a pig might do it, but a runny nose would be the least of your worries at that point.

On Tuesday, Texas officials postponed all public high school athletic and academic competitions on Wednesday until May 11 because of the swine flu outbreak.

School officials say 53,000 students are out of school due to concern over the virus, and dozens of schools were closed to be sanitized. With 16 confirmed cases of swine flu in Texas, Gov. Rick Perry announced a disaster declaration Wednesday for the entire state.

Wouldn’t it be so much trendier to catch a flu bug called “H1N1?” It’s sounds like the name of one of those clubs in Manhattan. You could have people on a velvet rope outside waiting to get infected. It’s not like the virus actually came from pigs. I had a pizza with bacon on it for dinner last night, and yet I’m still alive. But then again I wasn’t not drinking out of some toilet in Mexico, either.

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