Terrell Owens Made a Cry for Help

09.27.06 11 years ago

Terrell Owens was taken to a Dallas-area emergency room last night after attempting suicide. Details are sketchy, but a "female companion" (nice work, T.O.) observed him taking prescription pain pills. He was taken to the ER and had his stomach pumped.

Some people say suicide is a bad thing to make jokes about, but that's only because so few assholes attempt suicide. Besides, this wasn't a real attempt; this was one of those "cry for help" attempts that 17-year-old girls who wear too much eye makeup do. His publicist called 911, for Chrissakes. Of course T.O. is gonna make a cry for help. Drew Bledsoe is his quarterback. If he really wanted to die he would have disrespected Joey Porter.

There still remains the question as to just why T.O. did this. I think it's obvious: it had been a long eight days since his broken finger was the lead story. Get well, T.O.! I can't use up all this hate on Joey Porter alone!

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