The U.S. Senate Is Protecting Our Values

10.02.06 11 years ago

In a fucking huge story that is mysteriously not getting picked up by ESPN and its internet competitors, the Senate has passed a law criminalizing Internet betting in America. Allow me to be among the first to say:

What. The. Fuck.

It's common knowledge that anybody who looks down on gambling is automatically not the kind of person you want to be your friend, so I guess this makes sense, since people who work in the Capitol tend to be cock-gobbling pieces of shit. Senator Bill Frist, who I think is the majority leader of the senate or something, explained it as such:

Gambling is a serious addiction that undermines the family, dashes dreams, and frays the fabric of society.

Thanks for imposing your boring-ass values on me, dickmunch, but you forgot to mention how awesome it is when a team kicks an insurance field goal late in the game to cover the spread. Fucker. Is it illegal for me to offer $100 to the first person who kicks this guy in the balls?

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