A ton of stuff happens in the sports world each week and there are only two of us here to try to scoop up as much as we can and shove into all into your eyeballs like an ocular smoothie of awesome. So of course we’re bound to miss a few things here or there. For instance, did you know former WWE diva and current George Clooney love interest Stacy Keibler went golfing on her vacation from standing still and looking hot? See, this is the kind of stuff we shouldn’t be missing out on.
Thankfully, I keep a few hundred folders of random sports photos on my computer to cover up my incredible collection of adult anime stills, and I figured that we could clear a few of them out with this new weekly feature, the Wednesday Wild Card. Today we’ll pay a visit to New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady and see what he did to prepare for his loss to the New York Giants, while David Beckham signs some autographs, Kim Kardashian and Matt Millen cry, and the World Series of Poker pays out again.
Please hold your applause until the end.
I, for one, am appalled that she wore jean shorts while golfing.
Tom Brady took a bike ride with his family before Sunday’s game against the New York Giants. It’s nice that his dog is as coddled as he is.
Does it ever suck to be David Beckham?
Surfer Garrett McNamara reportedly recently rode a record-breaking 90-foot wave near Portugal during the ZON North Canyon Project 2011, whatever that is. Question: after you ride a wave like that, do you have to go out and find the girls you will be sleeping with or are they automatically sent to you?
Kim Kardashian spent a few days in Minnesota trying to make it look like she was reconciling with her husband, Kris Humphries. But now her
mom PR team announced that the divorce is real and she’s devastated. The good news is that she started filming for Tyler Perry’s upcoming cash cow, The Marriage Counselor, and all of his fans are going to boycott the film because of her. This is all going great.
Linda Hogan, that old woman who took all of Hulk Hogan’s money in a divorce and then wrote a book that accused him of being gay, has broken up with her 20-something-year-old boyfriend, whose name I will never learn. So if you’re looking for a single woman with a boatload of cash and a Florida lifestyle, then look no further.
Chelsea goalie Petr Cech fractured his skull a few years back, causing him to have to wear a helmet while he plays. This past weekend he broke his nose against Blackburn so now he has to wear the above mask in addition to the helmet. In between games, he will be locked in the Tower of London.
If there’s one bright ray of comedic sunshine coming from this Penn State scandal, it’s Matt Millen crying on SportsCenter when talking about Jerry Sandusky, his former coach. I can never feel sympathy for Millen, nor can I ever take him seriously as a football analyst.
Also, he’s Jewish.
Also also, he’ll squat on your face.
Charlie Sheen is currently filming A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swann III, and I guess he gets to pretend that he’s a baseball player in it. I assume this means he called Brian Wilson over for another hooker party.
I was told these women are Brazilian. Step it up, Brazil. You’re slacking.
Aside from Kaninhop, the Wife Carrying Championship is probably my favorite event of the year and I completely missed it this year.
Germany’s Pius Heinz defeated the Czech Republic’s Martin Staszko to win the $8.7 million top prize at this year’s World Series of Poker. Heinz said that he was ready to quit poker to attend college before winning the main tournament. He may be German, but his story is truly American.