Welp, it’s finally here. After waiting patiently all season, I get to watch Dwight Howard come back to the massive new arena that he (and David Stern) encouraged the Orlando Magic to build, and I get to watch him miss free throws and blame his teammates for his shortcomings with a completely different team.
It’s going to be bittersweet for me, as I’ll yell things like, “More like Wonder Woman!” and even better, “Your nickname is Pooperman!” and me and my bros will high five and it will be awesome. But at the same time, the Lakers should win by 60 and my team still sucks at the end of the night.
Oh well, at least I’ll always have the memories of the times before all the pissy complaining and constant media missteps.
NBA: Atlanta at Miami – 7:30 PM ET on NBA TV
This game is on NBA TV tonight because it “won” a “fan vote”. My ass it did. David Stern just doesn’t want to show Dwight Howard being booed mercilessly by his old fans before the struggling Lakers possibly lose to Orlando’s sorry (but potentially awesome in 2-3 years) squad of youngsters for the second time this year. So enjoy the Heat winning again, everyone.
NHL: Bruins at Penguins – 7:30 PM ET on NBC Sports
Hey NHL, you want guys like me to watch more hockey on that network that pays Mike Florio and Peter King to pretend they’re NFL experts while under-promoting the always wonderful Michelle Beadle? Make it mandatory for all teams to surprise families of troops for the rest of this shortened joke of a season.
The Ultimate Fighter: Team Jones Vs. Team Sonnen – 9 PM ET on FX
It’s nice to see that Uriah Hall has bounced back nicely from almost decapitating a man. Hall’s infamous kick reportedly knocked Adam Cella out for four minutes and Hall felt terrible about it to the point that when he was recognized in public, he’d hide from fans. Now he’s embracing it and making public appearances. He seems like a good guy, so I hope he has a good UFC career ahead of him. Also, I’d prefer that he never kicks me in my skull.