If you’d like to know what happened on tonight’s WWE Raw but don’t want to read several dozen paragraphs to decipher it, With Leather is here for you. Here’s what happened on the April 15, 2013, episode of WWE Raw:
1. Handicap Match: Randy Orton and Sheamus defeated Big Show. Orton pinned Show after a Brogue Kick/RKO combo.
– 3MB demanded a written apology from The Shield, but were attacked by Brock Lesnar. Lesnar and Paul Heyman set up a cage match between Lesnar and Triple H.
2. United States Championship Match: Kofi Kingston defeated Antonio Cesaro to become the new United States Champion. Kofi got the win with Trouble in Paradise.
3. Team Hell No defeated The Prime Time Players. Bryan got the pin with a flying headbutt.
4. R-Truth defeated Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett in a non-title match. Truth got the win with “What’s Up,” or whatever he calls his finish these days.
5. Team Rhodes Scholars defeated Santino Marella and The Great Khali. With Khali distracted, Sandow rolled up Marella and held his tights for the three.
– WWE attempted to capitalize on Fandango’s sudden popularity with a segment that … did not increase Fandango’s popularity.
6. Jack Swagger defeated World Heavyweight Champion Dolph Ziggler in a non-title match. Yes, they did the “champion loses a non-title match to set up a title match” gag twice in one show. After the match, Alberto Del Rio attacked Jack Swagger.
– CM Punk returned to Raw for the first time since WrestleMania, but walked out before he was done speaking, mouthing that he was “done,” leaving Paul Heyman alone in the ring.
– Booker T made a triple threat match for the World Heavyweight Championship at Extreme Rules: Dolph Ziggler vs. Jack Swagger vs. Alberto Del Rio.
7. Nikki Bella (technically Brie) defeated WWE Divas Champion Kaitlyn in a non-title match. Twin magic, even though one of the Bellas has implants now. This was the third time in the show that a champion lost a non-title match.
– John Cena confronted Ryback in the ring. The Shield attacked Cena as Ryback stood and watched.
Be sure to visit With Leather on Tuesday for The Best and Worst of WWE Raw column for a more detailed report.