I know I'm not the only one farting up a storm after some wings and a gallon of light beer, so I thought I'd do my patriotic duty and spread the word about Under-Ease underwear in time for the gastronomical fartfest that is the Super Bowl.
“Under-Ease” is a revolutionary new air-tight underwear that contains a charcoal filter, which filters out noxious bodily odors before they can escape into the atmosphere and be blamed on the dog.
[Buck Weimer, the inventor] first dreamed of this concept one evening after a Thanksgiving dinner, when he and his wife, who suffers from an inflammatory bowel syndrome, were lying in bed, and she cut loose with a near-nuclear blast. Lying there, eyes watering, Buck resolved to do something, and, after years of research, he perfected and patented the design for Under-Ease.
"…Lying there, eyes watering, Buck resolved to divorce this foul woman." Hmmm… I wonder if it was a zucchini bread fart.
Personally, I LOVE that a husband designed these for his stank-ass wife. I'm really surprised it wasn't the other way around. Well, I bet women have thought of the idea before, but they probably failed in the invention phase. It's a known fact that women are terrible at science, and are only good for cooking and making babies and complaining about the ropes being too tight.