The Gang on “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” — which returns for its seventh season on September 15 — means to do well. They really do. It’s just that Dennis, Dee, Mac, Charlie, and Frank’s good intentions often clash with the fact that they’re awful, conniving, despicable, racist, and misogynistic people. Their moral decrepitude makes “Sunny” one of the best sitcoms on TV, and its success has paved the way for FX to make other great comedies like “Louie,” “Archer,” and “The League.”
To tide you over until the premiere a month from now, here are the ten most revolting and rotten things the Gang from Philadelphia has done over the show’s first six seasons and 71 episodes, not one of which has anything to do with poor, dead-toothed Maureen Ponderosa.
10. Human Meat and Teabagging Cricket (“Mac and Dennis: Manhunters”)
Two things in this episode: 1) Because Dee and Charlie, in a rare plot together, keep eating his venison, Frank tells them that they’re actually eating human meat, and although the fake cannibals are disgusted, they don’t care and crave more human flesh. (It’s one of my favorite inter-Gang disgusting moments, because they’re usually destroying other people’s lives, not their own.) 2) After a few beers too many, Mac and Dennis agree that the only game worth hunting is an animal that can fight back. In this case, a human: Rickety Cricket. As if the poor bastard hasn’t gone through enough—Dee said she’d kiss him if he ate a horse turd, she didn’t; he quit being a priest for Dee, only for her to lose interest; the entire Gang got him addicted to crack—he now also watch for Mac and Dennis, who will teabag their prey when they catch him. Why teabagging? “What’s not to like? Cricket with a face full of pubes? Hilarious!”
9. Abortions for All, Abortions for No One (“Charlie Wants an Abortion”)
Mac falls for a girl named Megan that he meets at a pro-life rally. In an attempt to impress her, tells her about all the abortion-providing doctors he’s murdered over the years. Megan, who has seen The Passion of the Christ 12 times, is suitably impressed and the two have sex shortly after the rally ends. Mac tells Dennis that he should fake his convictions, too, because there’s plenty of fine tail on the pro-life side, but Dennis tries his luck with the pro-choice ladies instead, which results in eggs getting thrown at him. At the end of the episode, Megan tells Mac she’s pregnant (she’s lying), and he tells her to get an abortion (he’s not).
8. Makeover a Real Sh*thole (“The Gang Gets Extreme: Home Makeover Edition”)
Dee, after reading The Secret, tells the Gang that the key to happiness is to do good to others. In their warped minds that means making over a “real sh*thole” of a house, whose three non-English-speaking tenants have no idea what’s going on. All they see is a group of maniacs who barge into their home in the middle of the night, wearing all black and screaming through bullhorns, “WHERE’S YOUR WIFE?!? WHERE’S YOUR DAUGHTER?!?” The Gang starts smashing the family’s possessions and walls, while Dee speaks to the terrified mom, dad, and daughter in Spanish, saying, “Your house is no more. Your life is no more. We are extreme. Like television!” At least they tried to make her a taco bed…
I want more like this!
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