America’s Got Talent (NBC) – In tonight’s episode, the judges pick twelve previously eliminated acts to return and perform. Look here NBC, if I wanted to sit around and watch a bunch of losers, I’d put on a Mets game. BOOM. Take that, downtrodden fanbase!
Combat Hospital (CBS) – A few weeks ago, the inimitable Gourmet Spud said on Twitter that this show would be better if it was called “Wombat Hospital.” Concur, Spud. Concur.
Little League World Series (ESPN) – You know those kids who are like 4’7″, 65 lbs, wear those ridiculous helmets with the protective cages on the front, and just shake like a scared chihuahua in the batter’s box? Those are my dudes.
MasterChef (FOX) – Season finale. I know I’m just the fill-in/guest editor, but I do try to keep a pretty close watch on what’s going on with TV, just to be safe. But if you offered me $1 million to tell you what was on FOX on Tuesday nights during the summer, there’s no way I would have been able to name this show. None.
Memphis Beat (TNT) – In the season two finale, something presumably happens then gets resolved. Or maybe it doesn’t get resolved. Oo, cliffhanger!
Pretty Little Liars (ABC Family) – Question: Are the liars pretty AND little, or just pretty little. Because if it’s the latter, that means there could be small, unattractive people on television, and that simply will not do.
Million Dollar Rooms (HGTV) – Haha, eff you poor people! (*looks at checking account*) Oh.