2 Broke Girls (CBS, 8:30 p.m.) – We often joke that Lori from “The Walking Dead” is the worst character on TV. This is a half-truth. She is terrible, but there’s someone worse: Peach from “2 Broke Girls,” an uptight socialite who named her kids Brad and Angelina. She’s in tonight’s episode, and you should only watch if you a) hate yourself and/or b) enjoy making double entendres having to do with peaches (“I’d like to brown her rot,” etc.).
How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8 p.m.) – “Barney plans a road trip.” Watch out for unicorns.
The Pitch (AMC, 9 p.m.) – It’s ironic that the sneak previews, a.k.a. the ads, during last night’s “Mad Men” didn’t convince me to watch “The Pitch,” a show about advertising, right? Or is this an Alanis Morissette not-actual-irony situation? Either way: unless it’s got Megan Draper talking about beans, PASS.
Two and a Half Men (CBS, 9 p.m.) – Kathy Bates plays Charlie’s g-g-g-g-ghost. I would have expected better from the woman who played Squirrel Lady in Rat Race.
Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations (Travel, 9 p.m.) – Anthony visits Lisbon, home of the “the centre of the republican coup of 5 October 1910 which established the democratic Portuguese Republic.” I definitely DIDN’T copy and paste that from Wikipedia due to my limited knowledge of Lisbon. Nope.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Don Rickles on Letterman; Steve Martin and Rashida Jones on Leno; Vanessa Williams and Andrew Bird on Kimmel; Jim Gaffigan on Ferguson; Chris Evans and Allison Williams on Fallon; Zach Wahls on Stewart; and Diane Keaton on Colbert