Earlier today, I sat down and watched the premiere episode of Jerry Seinfeld’s Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. I can now confirm to the rest of the world that the web series is, in fact, about comedians in cars getting coffee.
It’s riveting stuff.
I don’t want to give you the full blow-by-blow here because I’m afraid that the overstimulation may short-circuit your brain. I’ll say this much, though: The first six minutes involved Jerry Seinfeld “in a car” with “comedian” Larry David. It was an Azure VW Bug, to be precise, and to go into anymore detail than that might spoil your “fun.”
“Nobody can waste time as well as you and me,” Jerry says to Larry while they’re standing outside of Larry’s house. What’s so brilliant about the exchange is that we, the viewer, can enjoy the experience of watching the two “waste time” with fascinating back-and-forths like this one:
Larry: “I don’t like driving a stick.”
Jerry: “That is very Jewish.”
Larry: “Well, I am Jewish, and you know what, I could be described as very Jewish.”
Before the first act comes to its conclusion, Larry informs Jerry of his lunch preference for salad and a protein shake that he purchases “at the store.”
The second act picks up in the coffee shop, where Larry throws the entire show’s premise in disarray by ordering a herbal tea. Jerry and Larry then continue to exchange profound observations. At one point, Jerry breaks an actual news story by announcing that he no longer eats breakfast cereal. Say it isn’t so, Jerry!
Then, Jerry orders pancakes. Larry tries a bite.
WE’RE MAKING WEB SERIES HISTORY HERE.
You might think that the two old pros would never be able to top the pancake-eating sequence, but you’d be wrong: That’s quickly followed by a captivating exchange about the difference between cigars and cigarettes. Then, on the ride home, the two have an equally absorbing conversation about briefs and boxers.
It’s amazing Internet viewing, a tour de force in tedium. Somehow, Seinfeld and Co. have managed to bring pointless banality to a whole new level. FIVE STARS.
Don’t take my word for it, watch for yourself.