30 Important Things We Learned From Nick Offerman’s Reddit AMA

By: 09.04.12  •  25 Comments

We learned he and Aziz Ansari have a very normal friendship:

TaxPeel: Do you and Aziz do anything weird together?
Nick Offerman: Hm. Sometimes we pretend we’re on a CSI program and examine each other’s underpants under a huge Sherlock Holmes magnifying glass….we like to go around the lot where we shoot and see whose pet’s heads we can fit in our mouths (I always win with Jim Belushi’s (miniature) Corgi), but no, nothing weird comes to mind. Oh, we both really love to enact Rush Limbaugh radio vomit with hand-puppets made from pig intestines, which is hilarious good fun, but I think a lot of people do that. On the coasts, anyway. So, no.

We learned he has a healthy respect for Teddy Roosevelt:

pietya: On a one on one fight you against Theodore Roosevelt at your age, who would win and why?
Nick Offerman: Ted Roosevelt would hand me my ass in moments. He was a goddamn man and soldier who could kill with his hands. Let’s remember, I am an actor who is handy with a sopkeshave.
Nick Offerman: Spokeshave. Apologies, Shakers.
Veryfancydoily: no one corrects Ron Swanson’s grammar except Ron Swanson.

And who would win in a bacon-eating contest:

lazythinker: You, Clint Eastwood, and Teddy Roosevelt have a bacon eating contest. Who wins?
Nick Offerman: Teddy is no longer with us, so a moment of silence for #26. You had a hell of a run, Theodore. Then, I handily defeat Clint, since he is an old – oh, wait, he pulls out a gun and shoots me, drooling something about Commies and pinko f*ggots and his cold, dead fingers, before falling out of his chair and soiling himself. Thanks a lot, lazythinker.
sat0123: But then he sits and has a conversation with your empty chair, so it’s ok.


We learned about his favorite beer:

sheeshSGL: What’s your favorite beer?
Nick Offerman: Cold. Closely followed by, you guessed it, warm.

We learned about his acting challenges:

alvinsinge: what is the hardest part of acting as Ron Swanson
Nick Offerman: Stopping at the end of the day.

We learned about a hot new TV show:

twoclose: Can you please suggest to the writers to write-in an episode of Parks and Rec where you have a pet swan named “Swan Ronson” that has your hair and a mustache?
Nick Offerman: You are thinking of an entirely different show, and that show is called: “Monkey Doctor”.


We learned something new about Rainn Wilson and a table:

redditizio: What’s the deal with the beefcake shot of Rainn Wilson/Dwight Schrute on www.offermanwoodshop.com?
Nick Offerman: I made an incredibly sturdy oak table for Rainn’s kitchen/dining area, and upon delivery, he disrobed and laid himself across it. I snapped a photo before making sweaty, grappling love to him.

We learned how to choose Monopoly pieces:

ambrosius23: When you play monopoly, which piece do you choose to represent you on the board, and why?
Nick Offerman: I choose the thimble because no matter where I roam, you can’t prick my motherf-ckin’ thumb with your bitch-ass Scottie Dog. Can I cuss on here?
Endyo: F-ck yeah you can cuss. This is America.
PdubsNWO: My guess would have been top hat or wheelbarrow.
Nick Offerman: The wheelbarrow is a noble second choice, and the Top Hat can go suck an egg.

And, finally, we learned sausage should be quantified in linear feet:

Par_Avion: Whats going on here?

Nick Offerman: My wife is just apeshit for grapes. We had just done a 3 week tour of Vienna, Bruges, and Prague, over Christmastime, and every day in these venerated European cities, in a picturesque town square, centuries old, I would purchase a 12-inch pork sausage, some variety of Bratwurst, and wolf it down, muttering my adoration of Europe all the while. If your math is sound, that’s about 21 linear feet of pork sausage, 1 1/4″ in diameter on average. Then I was reminded that I had a naked photo shoot in NY upon the day of our return. I laughed from deep in my pork-lined belly, long and loud. It was worth it.

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