For a penultimate episode of the winter season, last night’s The Walking Dead could’ve hardly been more perfect, moving all the parts into place, highlighting what a despicable couple of villains we are dealing with, and establishing conflicts of loyalty. It was an insanely intense episode, another strong one in a series of strong episodes this season. There’s been no letdown.
One quick reminder before we get started: As usual, please limit graphic novel spoilers to the thread at the bottom of the page created by Maske.
1. The Continuing Evolution of Carl, Bad Ass Mother Killer — The Michonne zombie perfume trick only lasted so long before even those brain-dead zombies caught on and lunged toward her.
Leave it to Carl to save Michonne, taking out a couple of zombies on her behalf and earning an elevation of his Uproxx badge for next year. Carl, in season four, you will now be placed above Axel (assuming Axel lives). You’ve earned it, kid. Three months ago, you and Lori were the least liked characters on the show, and now you’ve earned our respect.
2. Judith Grimes — Later on, Rick gives Carl a man of the house speech in one of those Leave It To Beaver moments. Then Carl decides to name Lil Ass Kicker the much less glamorous Judith, which sounds like an elementary school teacher or the Mom in Who’s the Boss. Damn, Carl. That’s the best you could come up with? Way to ruin all your good will. YOU’RE BADGE LEVEL IS BUSTED BACK DOWN. I’ll still put him ahead of Beth, Hershel’s other daughter, who I nearly forgot existed until last night.
3. Reunited And It Feels So Good, Now Shut Up and Kill, Kill, Kill — Carol was revealed to Rick to still be alive, which provided another heart-warming moment for the show. There were lots of hugs, but dammit, with so little time left before the winter finale, that’s too much time hugging and not enough time stomping zombie ass.
4. I Didn’t Ask For Your Help — Michonne was, at first, a very reluctant hostage, but she warmed up to Rick and the Gang after she spied them with the baby and realized their strength in clearing the prison.
I think Michonne delivered more lines last night than the entire series put together, revealing the whereabouts of Maggie and Glenn and the existence of Woodbury, which is full of “paramilitary wannabes.” I think she might have underestimated the threat of Woodbury. My only issue with the Miconne joining the prison gang is that, you’d think after spending nine months with chatty Andrea, that she’d have told Michonne all about Rick and her old farmhouse pals, and Michonne would be able to connect the dots for Rick between Andrea, Merle, and Woodbury. Yes, it takes away some of the fun of the reveal, but it also puts Daryl in the awkward position of invading the village where his brother resides. Anyway, it was good to see Michonne slightly break away from this:
5. Say Hello to the New Character. Say Goodbye to the New Character — It was a pointless diversion on the way to Woodbury, but I thought it was fun to see Rick and Co. stumble onto a cabin where a hermit — unawares of what was happening in the outside world — was hiding under a blanket. Michonne dispatched with him eventually, and the gang wisely used him as bait to distract the Walkers. RIP Bearded Hermit Dude.
6. Token Black Character Line — Rick: “Help me with the door.” Oscar: “You gotta be kidding.” Oh, Oscar. I think I like you better than T-Dog. You bring some of that sassy black stereotype to your Token Black Character.
7. Milton is a Dumb Son of a Bitch — I guess you can’t blame a guy for trying, but I hope Milton didn’t have too much invested in attempting to condition dying people in order to make them more friendly zombies. Maybe it’s the first step in a long process toward curing the Walkers, but in the context of this episode, it felt like a stalling tactic. Pavlovian response doesn’t cross the bridge between life and zombie death. Good to know. Let’s move on. I did appreciate that Andrea got to show both her sexy and bad-ass sides last night.
8. Glenn is the Pizza Delivery Boy the Zombie Apocalypse Doesn’t Deserve — If we did Power Rankings, Glenn’s ability to withstand the torture inflicted upon him by Merle would’ve earned him a place ahead of Michonne last night.
Those were impressive sequences, displaying just how far the Asian delivery boy with the ball cap has come this season. The guy took one hell of a beating, and Merle reminded us again of why he deserved to be chained on top of a roof and left as zombie kibble. “There ain’t a pair of nuts among the whole pu**y lot of you.” Merle, classy as always. What a despicable, loathsome redneck f**kstick. However, it did inspire the ….
9. Zombie Kill of the Week — Glenn. Hands down.
I do have to give an honorable mention to Daryl, though.
10. The Governor Just Entered the Ranks of One of the Best Villains in Television History — It’s not something you’d expect to hear about a show about THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, but The Walking Dead took a turn toward the dark last night with those scenes between Maggie and The Governor.
The show has done a hell of a job this season making us care so deeply about Glenn and Maggie, which made Glenn’s interrogation hard to watch, and The Governor’s rape-interrogation of Maggie almost unbearable. I wanted to jump through my television set and beat the sh*t out of The Governor myself. What kind of sick piece of zombie turd treats our sweet ass-kicking Maggie like that? I haven’t read the books, but I’m guessing they were a lot more lurid on this point. The more terrifying moment, however, was when he held a gun to her head before giving her back to Glenn. I thought for sure he was going to put a bullet in her temple, and I would’ve never forgiven Glen Mazzara. Plus, that ominous music. GOD.
I hope Michonne makes him suffer before she removes his head.
Whose side will Merle take? Woodbury or The Prison. Will Andrea be the wild card? Next week: THE PRISON vs. WOODBURY for all the marbles.
