The New York Post ran an “exclusive report” this weekend about La Toya Jackson “seizing” the careers of Michael Jackson’s kids. It was basically just shameless rumor-mongering and the writer saying “Seriously, you guys, what bitch, right?” over and over for a couple hundred words, but there was one semi-interesting tidbit buried within the acres of shade: In addition to signing the deals that put Michael’s son, Prince, on Entertainment Tonight and 90210, and his daughter, Paris, in movies or something, La Toya is also shopping a reality show about the kids, and people are apparently throwing money at her.
The coup de grâce for La Toya, who gets a standard 15 percent commission on each deal, would be a reality TV show deal she’s negotiating. Insiders said bidding has approached $10 million.
OWN, Oprah Winfrey’s network, is thought to be the front-runner to land the series that would feature Jacko’s children, La Toya and cameos by family matriarch Katherine. [NY Post]
To recap: The minor children of a famously troubled former child star are allegedly being pimped out by his somehow even kookier sister, and a famous billionaire who is about to deliver the commencement speech at Harvard might cut the check to enable it. This is so depressing. Can someone please swoop down in goddamn helicopter, scoop these poor kids up, and finish raising them in some sleepy Midwestern suburb. Literally any sleepy suburb will do. Sure, it’s technically kidnapping, but I think we all know that no jury in the land would convict you. You wouldn’t even need to mount a real defense. You could just gesture toward La Toya and say “Your honor, c’mon. What are we doing here?” and the case would be dismissed by lunch.
The only positive part of this story is that, while I was writing it, I found a picture on Shutterstock of La Toya Jackson talking to Bruce Vilanch, and it might be the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.
Photo credit: s_bukley/Shutterstock