2013 NCAA Basketball Tournament Final (CBS, 9 p.m.) — It’s Michigan Wolverines vs. Louisville Cardinals, or if you could care less about college basketball, Mets vs. Phillies at 7 p.m. on ESPN. Or if you just hate sports in general, I dunno, read a book or something? I’ve heard good things about Son of Sniglet.
Adventure Time (Adult Swim, 7:30 p.m.) — “Jake builds a pillow fort during a knife storm.” Take THAT, Community.
The Carrie Diaries (The CW, 8 p.m.) — Season finale. “Dear diary, like the 1980s are SO crazy, am I right? Anyway, ttyl or whatever people like me said in the 1980s. Love, Carrie.”
The Following (Fox, 9 p.m.) — “Claire and Emma come together for the first time since Joey’s abduction.” It’s like when Pacino and De Niro shared screen time in Heat, except not because The Following is terrible.
Burning Love (E!, 10 p.m.) — Season finale. Shoulda been you, Titi.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Anthony Jeselnik on Leno; Rachel McAdams and Kelly Oxford on Kimmel; Max Greenfield and Debbie Reynolds on Ferguson; Keith Richards, Edie Falco, and Ghostface Killah on Fallon; Adam Sandler and Molly Shannon on Conan; David Stockman on Stewart; and Bill Clinton on Colbert.