ABC has announced the host, celebrity contestants, and judges for its new summer competition series Sing Your Face Off. Please peruse the names on the list, then meet me after the blockquote for a brief discussion.
Actor John Barrowman (Torchwood, Arrow) will host the show, where five celebrity contestants take on the identity of an iconic music performer each week.
The judges are former Saturday Night Live cast member Darrell Hammond and pop singer Debbie Gibson.
And the show’s contestants learning to perform the hits of famous music stars are ex-Skid Row frontman and heavy metal singer Sebastian Bach, comedian Jon Lovitz, Toronto Raptors player Landry Fields, teenage Disney Channel actress-singer China Anne McClain and former soap star Lisa Rinna. [EW]
Okay, ABC. I have to ask. What the hell are you doing?
No, really. I want an answer. I’m not mad, I’m just … well, I’m just so confused. What’s the endgame here? Who among you thought the American public wanted a show where Jon Lovitz and Lisa Rinna do, like, Elvis impressions or whatever? And why is Darrell Hammond judging a singing competition? And what kind of mind-and-creativity-stimulating narcotics did you inject into John Barrowman’s butt to get him to agree to host this show? Did the person who created this show forget to cast it until the night before it was supposed to be announced, grab his Rolodex labeled “People Who Will Say Yes to Anything and Answer Their Own Phones,” and start dialing? Is that what happened here? And you’re really going to put this on the air? On network television? I just … I don’t even know where we as a society go from here.
So, again, ABC, I ask you in all seriousness: What the hell are you doing?