Parks and Recreation (NBC, 8 p.m.) — One-hour season premiere. Leslie, Ben, Ron, Andy, and April head to London. Ron sticks his hands down his pants a lot. It’s going to be delightful.
The Big Bang Theory (CBS, 8 p.m.) — Here’s a depressing sentence, courtesy of the AV Club: “Another television season, another year in which The Big Bang Theory’s Jim Parsons has won more Emmys for acting than all of Mad Men.” Please tell every one of your friends to watch Parks and Rec tonight.
Glee (Fox, 9 p.m.) — Season premiere. Glee. Beatles. Nope.
The Michael J. Fox Show (NBC, 9 p.m.) — Series premiere. Michael J. Fox returns to TV as a news anchor who…returns to TV after being diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. I’ve heard rumblings that the pilot relies on one too many Parkinson’s jokes (which Curb already owns), and that the gags themselves are kind of bland, but Fox, Betsy Brandt, and Wendell Pierce are too likable to not give this a multi-episode shot.
The Crazy Ones (CBS, 9 p.m.) — Series premiere. Were it still 1998, the idea of the Genie and Buffy being in a show together would have made my 11-year-old head explode from excitement. Unfortunately, Bicentennial Man and Ringer happened, and now I’m not so sure. The involvement of David E. Kelley, who hasn’t created a decent series since Boston Legal (?), doesn’t help, either. Still worth a very skeptical watch.
Two and a Half Men (CBS, 9:30 p.m.) — Season premiere. You deserve better, Amber Tamblyn.
Elementary (CBS, 10 p.m.) — Season premiere. Sherlock also travels to London. He and Ron would get along.
Parenthood (NBC, 10 p.m.) — Season premiere. Now that Dexter is gone, there’s only show on TV in which one of the Fisher brothers from Six Feet Under is real-life dating his on-screen sister. Narms all around.
NTSF: SD: SUV:: (Adult Swim, 12 a.m.) — NTSF does the unthinkable: air a full-length, 30-minute episode.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Bono, Johnny Galecki, and Kings of Leon on Letterman; Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Ron Paul on Leno; Rebel Wilson, Anthony Bourdain, and Avril Lavigne on Kimmel; JGL and Maggie Grace on Ferguson; Tina Fey on Fallon; Andy Samberg and Slash on Conan; Robin Williams on Stewart; and Chris Fischer on Colbert.