Over on Dan Harmon’s blog this week, a 15-year-old girl named Molly — who is a big fan of Harmon’s podcast — dropped him an email to ask Harmon’s opinions of Miley Cyrus. Dan Harmon is a 40-year-old guy who runs a cult television show, and a podcast in which he often reveals way too much about himself, so you wouldn’t think that Harmon runs in a lot of the same circles as a 20-year-old pop singer famous for twerking, sticking her tongue out, and provoking the Internet. But, Dan Harmon HAS heard some things about Miley Cyrus. It’s all rumor, of course, but there’s always a kernel of truth to these rumors, otherwise, how would they get started, RIGHT?
What Dan Harmon has heard about Miley Cyrus may shock you.
From Harmon’s blog:
The rest is mostly rumor, I can’t say that I really know any of this for a fact. I have heard that she is taller than she seems on TV. I have heard that she is able to see in very low light. Someone told me that she is actually ashamed of this, and has had numerous surgical procedures attempting to “cure” herself of her special eyesight, which, to me sounds like more of a gift. I think I read somewhere – but please do not quote me on this – that if she is standing twenty feet from a tablecloth, in normal light, she can make out individual fibers, and that the FBI will sometimes bring her in to assist them on special cases, cases which are particularly time-sensitive, i.e., a human life is at stake, and/or a crime happened in a convertible with the top down and it’s going to rain soon, and they can’t wait for someone to look at fibers through conventional means.
Apparently, in those cases, the head investigator will say “get Miley” or “where is she this time” and it will cut to her finishing a concert, and she will look over from the stage into the wings, and there will be men in black suits waiting, and she’ll have this look on her face, like, “here we go again.” Because I guess she doesn’t get along with the FBI on a personal level, because they’re highly trained and very cautious people, and she’s just sort of a free spirit with these very powerful eyes.
As I understand it, and I need to stress this is all gossip, this is just stuff I hear in the kitchen at work, but supposedly, in the end, they get the job done together, in spite of their different approaches, and justice is essentially served.
I KNEW IT. I knew that girl had special powers. I mean, according to the rumors (which are obviously true).
Also, I kind of wish Dan Harmon would follow Community with a police procedural now.
As for Harmon’s thoughts on a 15 year old listening to his podcast?
Thank you for listening to my podcast but I feel like you should tell your parents to stop letting you do that for a couple years. There’s like a million podcasts and you’re listening to a guy your Dad’s age talk about poop. But I am glad you like it and thank you for writing. But stop listening for three full years. Thank you.
Yeah, that’s about right.
(Source: Dan Harmon Poops)