Rick and Morty (Adult Swim, 10:30 p.m.) — Series premiere. As if you couldn’t tell, this Dan Harmon-created show debuts tonight, and hey, it sounds good! It’s about an alcoholic Doc Brown-type who’s a bad influence on his grandson, with voice work from Justin Roiland, Chris Parnell, and Sarah Chalke. She’s the original Gillian Jacobs!
How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8 p.m.) — Barney wants a laser tag rehearsal dinner. He’ll probably get it, too, and yet when I suggested Arby’s for our dinner, my wife was all like break off engagement this and you’re a monster that.
Almost Human (Fox, 8 p.m.) — “Robocops never looked so good.” If I never have to hear that tagline during football again, it’ll be too soon.
Monday Night Football (ESPN, 8:40 p.m.) — Saints at Seahawks. BRING BACK MATT. He’ll explain why the Seahawks should win, so I can tell Cajun Boy that my Panthers are tied with his Saints in the NFC South.
Best Funeral Ever (TLC, 10 p.m.) — Nope.
The Blacklist (NBC, 10 p.m.) — Midseason finale. James Spader should blacklist midseason finales. (I’m not sure I know what a “blacklist” is.)
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Orlando Bloom on Kimmel; Betty White and Evangeline Lilly on Ferguson; Casey Affleck and John Legend on Conan; Sir Ian McKellan on Stewart; and Daniel Goleman on Colbert.