True Blood (HBO, Sunday 9 p.m.) — SEASON PREMIERE. No offense to True Blood, but following Game of Thrones in the same timeslot with True Blood is like eating a terrific steak for dinner and having your arm broken for desert. There are, however, plenty of questions that need to be answered in the final season of True Blood, like “When will Game of Thrones come back?”
Penny Dreadful (Showtime, Sunday 10 p.m.) — If you like the sex scenes on Game of Thrones, but you don’t care about the plot, the action, the intensity, or the great acting, then this show is for you! It’s 54 minutes of tedium broken up by one freaky, feral Eva Green sex scene.
Rising Star (ABC, Sunday 9 p.m.) — SERIES PREMIERE. It’s a singing competition you can not watch in between seasons of those other singing competitions you don’t watch!
Falling Skies (TNT, Sunday 10 p.m.) — FOURTH SEASON PREMIERE. In case you were still watching it, or ever watched it in the first place.
Orphan Black (BBC America, Saturday 9 p.m.) — It’s not a complete waste of a television weekend, as Orphan Black ends its second season. Will Cosima die? Will Helena continue to anally violate her captor with medical instruments? Will Donnie have to choke a bitch? Tune in, find out.
The Musketeers (BBC America, Sunday 9 p.m.) — If you’re not down for True Blood, BBC America is premiering The Musketeers with Peter Capaldi. The reviews I’ve seen mostly suggest that it starts out slow but by season’s end transforms into a very good series.
Enlisted (Fox, Sunday 7 p.m.) — SERIES FINALE. Please watch. There’s still the glimmeriest glimmer of hope that Kevin Biegel can get another network to pick up this incredible funny, very original network sitcom.