Don and Patty Kearney of Marion, Indiana were watching TV at home on Monday night when a wrench-wielding burglar invaded their home. Despite being 63-years-old, stricken with Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease, lung cancer and on oxygen — Patty beat the motherloving hell out of the would-be robber until he narrowly escaped with his life.
Luckily for Patty, though, the burglar who invaded her home was also horrible at being a burglar. For example, the first rule of burglaring? If you don’t have a gun, don’t actually tell the people you’re attempting to rob that you don’t have a gun.
Kearney said the next few moments were tense. The burglar had a wrench, asked about a gun, and demanded money. But when she figured out the crook didn’t have a gun, it was game on. “I’m going to fight,” she said.
Second rule of burglaring? Don’t drop your weapon!
Kearney grabbed a back scratcher and kept hitting the burglar until the man dropped the wrench. She picked it up and forced him out, eventually hitting the man in the head with the wrench multiple times, according to her. She said he left bleeding.
Third rule of burglaring? DON’T GET BEATEN UP BY A SENIOR CITIZEN, FOR F*CK’S SAKE.
“I said not in my house, not in my house, and I boom, boom, boom,” she said, “I just hit him in the head, hit him in the head, hit him until he got right there, and I hit him once more and he ran out the door.”
Clearly, the whole burglar thing is just not working out for this guy, and he should probably explore other areas of work.