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‘Two And A Half Men’ Is Aiming To Set Back Gay Marriage A Decade Or Two In A New Season 12 Plot

By / 07.18.14
Two And A Half Men

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Two And A Half Men is ending next year, after it’s 12th and final season — and not satisfied with simply being the genital wart on the dick that is CBS for over a decade and sending that poor Jones kid into a mental health situation, they’re planning to take out same sex marriage and adoption with them.

In a planned storyline for the next season, Ashton Kutcher is going to have some kind of health scare which sends him into an “existential crisis,” causing him to want to have a child to add some meaning into his life. And despite the fact that his character actually looks like Ashton Kutcher, instead of having a child in the traditional penis in the vagina way he’s going to try to adopt a child with Jon Cryer. Then it will TRULY be Two And A Half Men again, bringing the series full circle. Hakuna Matata, motherf*ckers.

Entertainment Weekly reports:

“He starts the [adoption] process and realizes it’s very difficult to adopt the child as a single straight man. So, once and for all, he decides he’s going to propose to Alan [Jon Cryer]—they’re going to adopt a child as a ‘gay’ couple,” Tassler said.

One reporter asked if CBS was concerned that the LGBT community might have an issue with the storyline (which somewhat resembles the 2007 Adam Sandler and Kevin James film I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry). “I think it’s a very positive statement [to say] ‘I am going to adopt a child as a gay couple,’” Tassler said. “The reality is he can do that. And at one point you couldn’t do that, and now you can do that, so I think that’s a much more positive statement.”

But … But … THEY’RE NOT GAY. This is basically the sitcom equivalent of Cartman signing up for the Special Olympics. See, it’s awesome because at one time, retarded people didn’t even have an Olympics, and now they do, so just distract yourself with that so maybe you won’t notice how terrible of an idea this is!

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