‘King Of The Hill’ Nut Dale Gribble’s Most Tin Foil Hat Worthy Conspiracy Theories

Next to the X-Files’ Fox Mulder, there’s perhaps no TV character more prone to conspiracy theories than King of the Hill’s Dale Gribble. Why Dale fears the government so much isn’t exactly explained, but decades of working with pesticides and baking in the unforgiving Texas sun have surely had an impact on his brain. He may be oblivious to what’s taking place in his own bedroom, but he maintains a watchful eye on all of Arlen from the surveillance of his basement headquarters. Not even the most mundane of tasks is safe from Dale’s watchful eyes.

As the show progressed, Dale’s theories often became more ridiculous – and at times, dangerous — much to the annoyance of Hank. Just how insane was the publisher of The Gribble Report, though? Was Dale merely a pest that wouldn’t even pop up on the NSA’s radar, or was he truly a threat on the verge of taking down the Illuminati?

Let’s explore the many conspiracies that only a gun-toting, chain-smoking nut job like Dale Gribble, a.k.a. Rusty Shackleford, could come up with.

He believes U.N. helicopters are monitoring him.

Mike Judge wasted no time in painting Dale as a conspiracy theorist. We get our first glimpse of how Dale’s mind works in the pilot episode when Hank questions a thumping noise and Dale theorizes that it’s likely U.N. helicopters. Because the United Nations naturally wants to monitor the goings-on of Rainey Street.

Dale explains the real cause behind global warming.

Dale goes on in the pilot episode to explain that the problem with Hank’s truck is that it’s a cog in the U.N.’s plan to control the weather. Surprisingly, Dale’s pretty okay with the whole plot and is in favor of the entire world becoming one big humid slice of Florida. You gotta admit, growing oranges in Alaska would be a trip.

Dale believes he’s a clone warrior.

Likely suffering from some combination of Texas heat stroke, too many Alamo beers, and having recently watched The Terminator, Dale believes he’s a clone. Tired of entertaining Dale’s ideas, Hank quickly shuts his theory down by pointing out Dale’s inferior fighting skills, reminding him of his hypocritical stance on the robot wars and sympathetic views towards the Mongol army. And just for good measure, Hank hits Dale in the arm and points out that a clone from the future would have seen that coming. Hank > Dale.

The man doesn’t trust computers.

Hank doesn’t exactly trust computers, either, but he simply believes his credit misfortune stems from a computer error. Dale, of course, believes it was no error at all, but the work of a high-tech boogeyman set up by the government known as the Beast.

The fear that John Redcorn is trying to eat him.

I don’t believe Dale’s a racist at heart, but I do believe his mind is so warped that he allows his paranoia to fuel unprecedented levels of ignorance. Dale comes incredibly close to learning the truth about his son in this KOH Thanksgiving episode where Joseph rejects John Redcorn’s attempts at bonding. Rather than finally seeing the ugly truth about his marriage, Dale convinces himself that John Redcorn is a cannibal.

The Bill was an Army lab rat theory.

While nearly all of Dale’s theories are based on nothing but his own nicotine-fueled imagination, his theory that Bill was an Army lab rat turns out to be true. After Bill sees several censored markings on his medical file, Dale takes it upon himself to investigate and discovers that Bill was used in a military experiment to create an Arctic super solider to fight the Soviets. The entire thing unravels when it’s revealed that Bill was only given a placebo drug, but by that point the fellas have already stolen a tank.

Dale believes his lawn mower has been kidnaped by the Cubans.

Never mind that Texas is over 2,000 miles away from Cuba, when Dale’s new mower goes missing he becomes convinced it’s all part of an elaborate plot hatched by Fidel Castro to power an escape submarine. The conspiracy is actually based in Hank’s garage, as Hank’s the one responsible for taking Dale’s mower in an effort to teach his neighbor not to be such a destructive, gloating jackass.

 His paranoia gets the best of him.

Typically, Dale’s paranoia is harmless and just brushed off by the guys, but in “Solider of Misfortune” it nearly gets everyone killed. In order to boost Dale’s confidence in running for president of the gun club, Hank poses as a mysterious figure called Mr. Big and sends Dale on a mission to recover a briefcase. It should be easy enough, but Dale convinces himself that Mr. Big is actually his gun club rival Mad Dog and that he’s trying to kill him.

The unauthorized face removal theory.

Dale can’t even do a simple humanitarian thing like participate in a blood drive. He quickly opts out of helping others by spinning an asinine theory that donating blood will somehow tangle him up in the black market of unauthorized face transplants.

The Nancy was impregnated by an alien theory.

Dale’s mind is so clouded with fumes of flea bombs that he can’t even connect the dots when he realizes he wasn’t with Nancy on the night of Joseph’s conception. Rather than put two and two together, Dale comes to the conclusion that Nancy was impregnated by an alien who has come back to claim its child. In Dale’s mind this all makes perfect sense, but then again, we’re talking about a man who stockpiled two pressurized drums of Mountain Dew in preparation for the meltdown of society after Y2K.

The invention of Rusty Shackleford.

What more proof does one need? The man is clearly out of his mind.

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