On Tuesday night, our collective need for a Jimmy Fallon theme-park thrill ride was satiated with the news that Universal Studios Orlando will debut Race Through New York Starring Jimmy Fallon in 2017. Fallon joked about the ride being similar to the Harry Potter rides at the park and $200 gift shop tee shirts, but this is no laughing matter. It’s not every day that someone gets their own theme-park attraction, and when that happens, you want to make sure that the ride matches the experience of being that person. So, with that in mind, and at this early stage in the imagineering process, I have concocted a ride that better embodies the brand that is Jimmy Fallon.
On the Jimmy Fallon Presents: The Jimmy Fallon Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon Experience, you get to float down the River of Enthusiasm in an enlarged Flip Cup cup while a hologram of Steve Higgins runs you through a round of Password. Will you lose and be sent to watch animatronic recreations of classic Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon viral bits in the James Fallon Theater? Or will you win and advance to The Room of Totally Awesome where nitrous oxide is pumped in through the vents so you can laugh at everything before sliding through the “Ew! Tube” to wind up in the Questlove hair forest — which is a forest made entirely out of Questlove’s hair. Once clear of that, you’ll enter the hall of mirrors where a massive Magic 8 Ball rests in the corner, begging you to ask it if Justin Timberlake is still your friend. Then, a trap door will open, and you will freefall 25 feet into a bubble-filled room of pillows that are stuffed with unsent thank you notes. There, you will ask celebrity impersonators about their pets before you are catapulted through an oversized basketball hoop and onto a stage where you will lip-sync Eagle-Eye Cherry’s “Save Tonight” to win America’s love.
And then you can get your $200 t-shirt. And then it will mean something.
