Discovery Is Making A Reality Show About Two Rival U.S. Senators Stranded On A Desert Island

Editor-at-Large
09.11.14 9 Comments
flake

DISCOVERY

In a move that is either a new low for reality television or a new low for the entire grand experiment we call democracy, Discovery channel is set to air a show called Rival Survival, in which political adversaries Sen. Jeff Flake (R-AZ) and Sen. Martin Heinrich (D-N.M.) will be stranded on a desert island together for a week. Read that sentence a few times. Really let it sink in. Especially the part about sitting U.S. senators doing a reality show where they are stranded on an island together. Mother of God.

From TV Line, which has the highlights of the press release:

“Disconnected from the world on an uninhabited island surrounded by shark infested waters that mirror the seemingly treacherous terrain of the U.S. Congress,” the cabler’s press release reads, Flake and Heinrich — described as “polar opposites… often at odds in the Senate” — “must put their political differences aside and work together for six days and six nights to find common ground through compromise if they want to survive…. an utterly unforgiving deserted destination where the reefs alone are fraught with dangers that include venomous stonefish, lionfish and scorpion fish.”

Do yourself a favor. Walk up to the next person you see, preferably a stranger, and explain this to them. Watch that person’s face. Then find another person and do it again. And again. AndagainAndagainAndagain. Chronicle your findings. Then make 1,000 copies of your report (all bound and color-coded), drive to Washington, D.C., and THROW THE REPORT AT EVERYONE YOU SEE. Hard. Just whiz it at people until you get arrested. It’s the least you can do for your country.

NOTE: If this show brings in Joe Biden, in his Vice Presidential role as President of the Senate, to settle disputes while dressed in war paint and a huge elaborate headdress like an island king, I reserve the right to do a complete 180 and declare it the greatest television show in history.

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